Wednesday, July 11, 2007

following the trend

I am going to fore go wordless Wednesday today, because while I was reading blogs this morning, after a shitty ( and I mean that in EVERY sense of the word) night at work, I noticed a trend.
2 of my favorite blogs were about Cancer this morning. I am pretty sure Uncle Kaos and BubbleWench didn't call each other at the ass crack of dawn, and compare blog topics, so I am going to follow in their lead, and talk about it, too.
My Dad is a Cancer survivor. He was diagnosed with lymphoma. Primary tumor site was in his stomach. He had chemo, and radiation treatment, and there were times when we thought it was going to be the end of him. 2 of his siblings have died of cancer, as well.
The things I remember the most are the brave face he tried to put on it. The frustration he felt when he had to go from doctor, to doctor, to doctor, none of them giving him immediate answers, all of them poking holes in him. He swears to this day that when he had his bone marrow aspiration, his fingertip imprints are still left in the gurney he was laying on. It hurt that bad.
He wanted that cancer OUT. Even if it meant his stomach got taken with it. Thankfully, he had a good oncologist who talked him out of it. The chemo and radiation saved his stomach.
He had a lot of anger, too. At times, it was directed at us, his family. With 3 daughters who are nurses, and a freaked out wife who was watching his every move as well, he felt like he had no secrets, no control. He hated that. I don't blame him. But did I meddle, and ensure he was getting what he needed? Hell yeah I did, he's the only Dad I've got.
Then there were the days he never made it out of his easy chair. Skin and bones, no energy. No life in his eyes. Even changing the TV channel was an effort. About this time, my jackass BIL brought them over some firewood for the winter. And dumped it on the street. Leaving 2 cords of wood for Dad to stack. Every day, he'd go out, and move a few pieces to their designated area wood area, at the side of the house. He kept telling me "its fine. I'll get it done, a bit at a time." Pissed off, I drove down there, and my friend N. and I stacked all that wood ourselves. My mom made us a delicious dinner, and my Dad, with tears in his eyes that he tried to hide, thanked us for finishing the task.
I don't tell that story so that you can be pissed at BIL, too. I tell it because that's how my Dad is. Getting the task done, one stick of wood at a time if he has to. Not wanting to ask for help, but appreciating it when it's given. That's how he beat his Cancer. He's been cancer free for 5 years, now.
I know if it comes back, he may opt to not have chemo, and radiation. I will accept and respect his choice, because it IS his choice. I have seen first hand, at work, and at home, what cancer, and all it involves, does to a person. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all the victims of this terrible disease. It continues to touch me, daily. My friend, N., who stacked wood with me? Her Mom is going through it right now. My friend, Mimi? Going through it with her mom. And on, and on and on. Nice man I took care of last night? Just diagnosed with one of the worst kind of lung cancers there is. Cancer affects everyone.
Sorry if this post rambles a bit, truthfully, I am exhausted from last night at work, and this subject does make me emotional. Later, when I re read this I am sure I will cringe. But for now, here it is. A big messy post about the worst disease ever.


CamiKaos said...

sometimes a big messy post is what it takes to say what you are saying.

I so didn't need this today, and I so did. All three of you, a lot to say today.

and a lot to think of.

I love you. and your crazy dad.

Bubblewench said...

I have not even been to Papa K's site yet today.

No, we did not get together at the ass crack of dawn, though I do know if ANYONE is going to meet me at the ass crack of dawn, it would be Papa K or Nana K.

I'm glad we are all getting this out.

On to Papa K's post now.

Mimi said...

Oh dear one, I am sitting here in tears thinking about your dad, N's mom and my mom and how much I hate cancer, and hate that the treatment is *so freaking hard* on those who undergo it.


sybil law said...

This post isn't sloppy at all! I liked it. :)
Get some rest, and sweet dreams.

DaddyKaos said...

I'm a little late with the read but just so you know I thought of R alot while writing mine. I did not know that BIL had done that, he is such a treasure!!!