Saturday, March 29, 2014

New meaning to the word agony

My Dad is dying. It's his time, he has cancer for the third time, and we lost the war. As I type, he's going through the process of leaving us. He has only hours to days left. He's pain free, and clean and comfortable, which is so important to us all. But this waiting! Knowing what's happening, and that we are powerless to stop it, and that, now, I don't want to stop it!! He needs to be completely free of his pain and frailties. Even working as a hospice nurse does not, did not give me a full understanding of how this feels. Being on this side is exhausting.  I don't like it. It's going to make me a very different nurse, I think.
     After the weekend, if he's still with us, we will bring him home, and care for him there. I will bring MB and we will live with my parents, until he's gone.
Oh, how I'll miss him.

Friday, March 7, 2014


Oh, man, was I not prepared....
     The milestones of MB's young life have been flying by, and in a blink of my eye, he's a walking, talking, curious child. He has opinions that he very clearly expresses, and no longer relies of Mom and Dad for every little thing.
     Recently, MG flew our little nest for the frozen tundra known as Minnesota. After much wailing, and teeth gnashing, the room she left was cleaned out, painted, and carpeted. Then came the advent of the big boy bed..
Oh the joy. The excitement. The pirate madness of it all.
Except the one thing....
He doesn't want to sleep in the damn thing.
He wants to sleep with us.
He is up and down as much as he was when he was an infant. We dutifully get up, put him back, give kisses, and sit by him until he falls back asleep. IF he falls back to sleep.
This is, apparantly, a common problem with toddlers. I was really not aware of this. Had I known, I might have not been I. Such a hurry for a big boy bed.....
But it has to happen sometime, right?
Now if you will excuse me, I need more coffee....