Friday, November 30, 2012

saying goodbye to a house

My Grandma has been living with my parents for a few years, now. During this time, she has always held onto the dream that she would be able to go back to her home. The home she's lived in for at least the 42 years that I've known her.
Sadly, that dream just isn't possible. Through no fault of her own, she just is too forgetful, too fragile, to live by herself. And the closest any of us live to her home is an hour away.
She enjoys, most of the time, living with my parents. It has its ups and downs.
But her home.
I cannot even fathom all the memories this little 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath holds. Its staggering.
I remember sleeping in sleeping bags, in the living room. Waiting for Santa. Looking at the really bad artificial Christmas tree. All the croquet games in the back yard. The wrapping paper base ball games. Easters. 4th of July. Sitting around the table, listening to all the grown ups talk about things I might not understand. My Aunt's wedding, in that home. The toys hidden in the closet. Playing Oven with my cousins. ( I cannot tell you what Oven is. I'm not sure I could describe it well enough. Ask Cami if you know her). Heck. I think I got to see Cami as a baby for the first time in Grandma's house.
My Grandfather died in that house. Its where I last saw him. Its where he lived. Its where he had his strokes. Its where he spoke last.
Its a house I've sought refuge in. Its where I used to collect bottles, and get money to walk to the 7 11. Its where I sat on the front porch eating too much sugar. Its where I sugar crashed.
Grandma has, in her own way, agreed to let the house be a home to someone else now. As a rental property for the moment. But, next weekend, we're all going to the house. The home. To look. To pillage. To plan, because it's going to need to be emptied. And I have a feeling, for me, at least, to say goodbye. To a house.
And I don't know how to do that...

Friday, November 23, 2012


The other day, I was watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with MG and MB. My favorite part is when Snoopy is fighting the chair, while "Little Birdie" is being played as background music.
I really love the music used in the Peanut's stuff. I already have some of the tunes in my Ipod. Curious, I went to the ever present iTunes, (what did I ever do before iTunes?) and Jackpot!!
Little Birdie. And a bunch of others, too. (Vince Guaraldi Trio, the official musicians). So, 9 whopping dollars later, I had some music happiness..
     I needed to pop into work this am to fill out some paperwork after a super busy work night last night, so I hooked my music up, set the fun on shuffle, and off I went. As I was driving, the music was playing, and the memories were flowing. I love all music, but the music from Peanuts? Puts me in a happy childhood place like no other. I didn't want to stop driving. I was thinking all kinds of crazy things, like how much I identify with Woodstock, of all creatures ("Little Birdie, why do you fly upside down"), to how sad I got watching the special where Snoopy ran away from home, how much, every year, I want the Great Pumpkin to show up for Linus, and the Little Red Headed Girl to take some interest in CB, laughing at Lucy and her silly football, pretending she doesn't care about the other kids. I bet Lucy would Maim anyone who messed with them, though. I remember having a Snoopy and Woodstock soap dish as a kid. I was so enthralled with that thing. It even came with a dog bone shaped soap bar.
And Pig Pen. I love that dirty little boy. And Franklin, the way that kid can dance! And Shroeder, the piano genius. And on, and on. I love them all.
And then, I got sad, thinking of not only MB, but the countless other kids who don't get 'fresh' Peanuts anymore. No new cartoon in the Sunday papers, no new TV specials. Sure. We have reruns, we have reprints, we have books.
But it's not the same. I don't see todays kids taking the innocent joy from it that I did.
I know, they have their own, 'new' things now. But I'm still sad.
For the record, I miss you, Charles M. Shultz. You impacted my life with your goofy little cartoon. And I will be forever grateful.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


I just am.
For everything.
I'm not doing that post something every day on FB thingy, or any of the other stuff. Because I'm trying to always be thankful for the life I have, no matter what time of year.
I AM making a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, though....
Happy Turkey day, everyone

Saturday, November 3, 2012

here we go again

I'm looking for another person to come watch MB a few hours a week.
Did I ever say what happened to the last one?
The one who swore to me she was in it for the long hall?
The one who would watch our little boys grow and become friends?
she left, with like, 2 days notice, to move to New Orleans, less than a month after we'd hired her.
Since then, we've been kind of winging it, which has actually worked out not horribly. Thank Goodness I work for human beings who actually like it when I bring him with me for a few minutes to work until MM can get him. That would have NEVER happened at my last job.
MG is still in pursuit of leaving to go on her own, and without her here, we cannot wing it.
So I have to meet people and decide if I am going to trust them with the most precious thing I've been gifted with.
I so hate this...