Saturday, May 26, 2007

My past

I've seen some blog idea's bouncing around lately where people are dealing with their past. Its been suggested before that I, or someone else, write a blog letter from my now self to my past self. Initially, the thought intrigued me. But then, I really started thinking about it. Would my past self even pay attention to that letter? Or would she use it to change my past? I think she would use it.
Would I change my past, if I could? I think back all those years ago, to childhood. I don't think my parents would like it much if I eliminated my sisters, (or, maybe just one of them? Is it negotiable?)so there is not much I would change there. Coming into the early teens, I might try to persuade myself to pay more attention in certain Math classes, because, contrary to popular teenage belief, I DO actually use some of it now. However, I am fairly certain that my teenage self would roll her eyes at me and think "Whatever." This particular past self of mine would have probably tossed the blog letter away in the rain. Then she would sink back in to whatever book she was reading.
Joining the Navy was not a decision that was difficult for me. Nor do I regret it. Sure, there are moments of that life that I hated. But I knew it was a temporary thing for me. I never intended to stay in, and be a 'lifer'. Its not for me. The four years were managable, enjoyable, even. I learned a lot.
I made some rookie mistakes in my twenties, but who didn't? Yet, I learned from them. I'm not dead, so they couldn't have been that bad. There are a few people I would encourage my past self to avoid, but not any of the major ones in my life, like my ex husband. Good and bad, I learned a lot about myself during that part of my life. And when we were good, we were very, very, good. Its the memory of that good that has me unwilling to "settle" now. I know how its supposed to be.
And so, my thirties. I'm not nearly done with them yet, and I think a lot of good things have come out of this decade for me. I moved to Podunk, which really is the home I've always been looking for. I made some exceptional friends, done a lot of things I've wanted to do, travel, ect. And some things I never really considered doing, but now LOVE to go do. (Renaissance Faire, anyone? There's one, next weekend, in Lake Tahoe).
So, no letter to any of my poor, past selves. They had a nice life. I'd like to think they like who "we" are, now. It took us time to get there, but all in all, we are in a pretty healthy place, with few regrets.


CamiKaos said...

my sentiments exactly.

sybil law said...

Yeah - what's the point in the letter writing to our past selves? Weird. Way too deep for me, I guess.
You're in a good place. Glad you went through all you did to be who you are today.
God that sounded sappy. :P

Mimi said...

Even with the big huge mistakes in my life, there's nothing I'd change, because well, I like me now!

and, you rock, so I know you like you too!