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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Amaretto Sour

Whoo hoo! I'm home! Before I get into the bitchy details of Amaretto Nurse, let me just tell you, sometimes, you get what you wish for. (No, she didn't die. . .). There is this man, who works in my Podunk hospital. I see him, now and again. Sometimes more frequently than others, depending on what kind of patients we have in the unit. I have drooled over this man for the seven years that I've lived here. Beautiful, good smelling man. Dark hair, blue eyes, dimples. Just, YUM. Always smells good. Nice teeth, friendly. This man was married when I moved here, and I do not poach. Poachers should be shot. BUT, this man has been single now, for awhile. And this beautiful man asked for my number this morning. AFTER about 10 hours of working on a sick, poopy ICU patient. Not bad! We are just going to go "hang out", and have some pints. Yum, just, yum. Even if I just sit there and look at, and smell this man, I will be a happy girl. Am I still interested in the computer men? Of course. I'll meet them, too! Boy, do I like spring.
Alright. Now, Amaretto Sour. Let me describe this woman child who should not be bothering me. She is short, with bottle blonde hair, bad roots, and skin that has seen too much sun, and cigarette smoking. She curls her hair, but doesn't brush the curls out, so the back of her head looks like these big, dry sausage curls that she used Aqua-net to maintain. Resembles a blonde sheep, in a way. Voice? Think the Nanny in a higher octave. And she has poor grammar. She sounds ignorant when she talks. She constantly tells other nurses what they can do for her patients, because, her idea of us helping her, is to do her work for her. She follows the male nurses around, mostly, manipulating them into being at her beck and call. Men can be such followers. She has this one nurse so well trained that he is, for all intents and purposes, her lapdog. So Lapdog and Amaretto nurse stuck together last night. She followed him wherever he went, 'do this, do that'. He said 'No' to her once, this morning, and I thought she was going to bitch slap him. I merely stood back, snickering, wishing I had popcorn for the show. She seems to have gotten the message from the night before that I won't tolerate her machinations. Lets hope thats a message she won't forget.

9 comments:

CamiKaos said...

mmmm... popcorn. I love me some popcorn...

sybil law said...

Oh I already hate her, and I KNOW I would in person, too. I would go out of my way to drive her nuts, smiling the whole time. It's so easy to screw with people like that. Yech. But she'll hang herself, it sounds like. YAY!

sybil law said...

Oh yeah - and YAHOOO on the guy! He does sound yummy.

mielikki said...

Thank the Lord, I am working with my friends tonight. If I would have had another 12 hour shift with that nurse I would have been one of the patients by the end of it.

CamiKaos said...

or she would have been a patient... I bet you could really hurt someone with a coffee pot...

Bubblewench said...

Have fun with the pints!! And please don't make her a patient, eventually her lapdog will snip at her and bite... they always do.

mielikki said...

As always, thats good advice BW. I will just sit back, and let Amaretto Nurse take the hit. . .

kaliulka said...

My philosophical life motto is as follows: "SASHAY CONFIDENTLY AND CARRY A BIG, BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK"

Consider this: Lapdog ain't gettin' him any at home like for sure and Amaretto Sour is looking for adventure(about 30 years too late) on her first travel assignment. Hey, what do I know --I'm just a crone who wears silly glasses. Personally, my present shtick for survival at "Podunk Pergatory" on nocs is to "float like a butterfly and sting like a bee", be a "task oriented" practitioner and then get the frick off the unit away from what I call "the anal anklebiters" and punch out in one piece in the AM. I then collect my paycheck and head out to the nudist hotsprings on my days off and play hippie. Just discovered last noc while kvetching with a fellow-concentration camp prisoner (e.g co-worker) that he graduated from a comparable ADN program after I did, is almost 30 years younger than me, does not have 12 years of LVN experience before becoming an RN, got $2K more on his sign-on bonus than I did-----and started at $2.50 base salary more than I did. THE GODDESS KALI IS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!
True the saying that: "the truth shall set you free, but first it will really piss you off" is appropos here. Plan: I will wait patiently until I can put on my best little uber-rah-rah corprate team-player communication outfit and attitude (god(ess) do I know how to cop a 'tude), then make a meeting with the correct muckity-muck and act real intelligent (not too intelligent here cuz I'm only a girl) and nice and ask for clarification. I don't want to grow a penis to have to make what I am worth or deserve. I want my frickin money or, or, or, --- off to Sutter or Kaiser, gosh darn it. Of course it goes without saying that I love the patients and to serve humanity and all that...
Any suggestions from those who may know how to navigate this type of (dysfunctional)system? The only thing I have successfully navigated for the past several years previously are the un-friendly skies and my galley (arranging the cokes and peanuts in a new way was my most interesting job challenge). I used to get in trouble all the time for dumping drinks (accidentally of course---turbulence!) on jerks.

ps-enjoy mr. smell good honey! Kakiulka, in the accent and words of her Polish grandmother says "I see notink and I know notink." Period.

mielikki said...

Oh, Kali, you so funny. Go with your bad self, and get that money! I would go forward with the 'silly girl' plan. Podunk wouldn't be the same without you, and your silly glasses.