Saturday, September 1, 2007

I've got a secret

I've discovered the secret, of how to be an NFL player.
It's all in the name. Seriously.
I was perusing some of the NFL website last night, getting ready for next weekend, when the season, officially FINALLY starts. (I just can't wait).
There are some normal names rolling around, Ryan, and John, Tony, you can find those.
But you'll also find names like
Melila Purcell, Samari Rolle, (sounds like sushi, doesn't it?)or, how about D'Qwell Jackson. Sounds like his momma named him after the lice treatment. Then, there is Bobby. Whats wrong with that you ask? Nothing, unless your name is 'Bobby Blizzard'. Doesn't Dairy Queen make a drink called Bobby Blizzard?
Then, there is Herana-Daze Jones. What was his mom smoking. Herana-Daze? oooook.
And, Nayeh Davenport. It sounds like a bad couch. Cato June reminds me of that old movie, Auntie Mame. Santonio Holmes? Sounds like they really liked San Antonio.I barely scratched the surface of the NFL, and I came up with these.
But, in my mind, the all around, hands down winner:
Craphonso Thorpe.
Seriously. Craphonso.
Who in the He-double hockey sticks would think to name a kid Craphonso? Do they not SEE the implications this will carry?
And now, Craphonso plays in the NFL. Imagine the trash talk.

So, if you want an NFL player, name, (or rename) your kid something totally stupid that sounds like food, couches, medication, or literally, Crap.
It'll work. I guarantee it.


David in DC said...

The Baltimore Orioles used to have a guy in the minors named Drungo Hazewood.

I think that'd be a good NFL name.

Then there was the old Iowa QB named Chuck Long. That's what you want a QB to do, right?

CamiKaos said...

what if i don't want my kid to be an nfl player?

what if I would rather eat sushi.

which I am going to do. for dinner. from the better sushi place and I am going to try their gyoza... i will report back

Bubblewench said...


No shit?

mielikki said...

DiDC:Chuck Long is a great name for a QB. I'd pick him, for sure.

CK:yes, gyoza, um. I would love some of that about now.

BW: No shit, indeed. Maybe he has a brother named Shit, though.

NanaKaos said...

I always thought those momma's didn't love their kids when they give them names like that. Some made up names are beautiful, but always remember that you love your child before you put some dumbas name on their birth certificate. NanaKaos

mielikki said...

I know they love their kids, but Craphonso? I cringe every time.

CK's name is one of the prettiest names, btw, and it may have single handedly saved her from being in the NFL!

(Could you even imagine such a site? CK playing pro football!)

sybil law said...

Yes, the bad names are funny, but I've noticed that the great quarterbacks always have had these All American kinda names, too.
Craphonso. I think it is awesome. For my cat. :)