Friday, June 1, 2007

Mistress Mayhem sends her greetings

Good Morrow to all of ye in Blog-land. Perchance, ye are wondering who I am, and what have I done with Mielikki? Do not worry overmuch, she is fyne. I am Mistress Mayhem, her Renaissance Faire alter ego.
I must first address the subject of the "meat dude". In Elizabethan times, (which, happenstance I live in), we are obligated, nay, forced to get our meat from stalls in the open air market. So, why you silly modern people are fussy about your meat, I shall never know. I have yet to convince Mielikki that this is a perfectly fyne idea. She is a bit stubborn.
I also wonder about those large, steel contraptions that ye fynd it so amusing to travel in. I have grown accustomed to them myself, since Mielikki, in her stubborn-ness, hath refused to ride a horse to the Renaissance Faire's. (Tis unfair, I tell you now! The girl is entirely TOO stubborn! Fie on her!). A good horse hath value. It needith not this 'gasoline' that I hear all you silly modern people bleat on and on about like sheep. Mayhap, ye like to spend your hard earned coin on useless fuel that destroyeth your atmosphere. In my day, the coin is better spent on spirits, ribbons, fyne clothing, and shoes!
Lastly, I implore you all to grow some hair! I cannot fathom how short ye silly, modern people let the butcher's cut it! Including the men! Mielikki is just as stubborn when it comes to this. While we are at the Renaissance Faire, I plan on telling people that she has had 'the fever', thus, we have shorn our locks. Mayhap, they will believe me.
And now, I shall bid thee fyne readers fare thee well, and leave ye with a few tips on visiting my era, should any of ye be planning on a visit to a Ren faire any time soon.
Ladies, if ye can breathe, the bodyce is not tight enough.
Privies are a priviledge. Unclean, yes, but still a priveledge. Try going out of doors, and see what kind of audience ye get.
Turkey legs make a good meal, and a good weapon.
Always have a blade hidden somewhere
Gentlemen, Do not 'cleavage dive' on your first visit to the shire. And if ye do, do not go about taking pictures of it. Tis foolish. Like as not, the fruit has been in her sweaty cleavage all the day, anyhow, and will taste foul.
If the fyne gentleman at the sword-fighting area offers you a wee taste from his flask, TAKE IT! For the sword-fighters are known for their excellent brews!
Grammarcy for thy attention, mayhap we shall meet again.
Mistress Mayhem


Mimi said...

Have an awesome time!

CamiKaos said...

have funn mistress mayhem

Rachel said...

I went to a fayre once. It was a lot of fun. I didn't dress up but saw a lot of people who were.
I purchased a puzzle ring while I was there. I loved it.
I no longer have it but wish I did.

kaliulka said...

...oh my God(dess) you even write in dialect. Since the word "gay" had an entirely different meaning in your times, I hope you find a handsome gay blade to quaff a few pints with! And the boobage and bodice issue: just remember this bit of stripper wisdom: girls with big titties shake them, girls with little titties shake their shoulders instead---and slowly----please, go ahead---try this at home. Rachel, next time you go to the fayre, dress up and buy another puzzle ring--live it up!

sybil law said...

Methinks you've been into the mead...

Celtic Rose said...

Sure and I hae been scolded for nae writing of late in blogland. I entreat ye tae forgive this wayward lass, aye?
As it will be Mistress Mischief, myself who will drive Mistress Mayhem tae the Faire mayhap I will be granted mercy?
It hae been both my pleasure and my delight tae attend such faires since I was a lass of some five and ten summers. I remember my first fondly . . . my first faire! I recall one year when a gallent young man recited a sonnet from Master Shakespeare tae me in the square, sigh . . . .
We twa shall lift a pint in the honor of ye ladies, and mayhap a kilt or twa!