Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I started this conversation last night with MM, but, poor soul, he was tired, and went to sleep instead.

So now I get to have this conversation with my blog. (those of you still reading? Chime in, or I'll just be talking to myself).
Much talk goes on about how (since they have grown up with the news, and such graphic examples of violence) de-semsitized our children are.
Well, I propose to you (or me) this
They are also de- sensitized to the phrase "I love you".
Yes, really.
I will explain my thoughts.
When I was younger, I love you was a phrase only used in family life. I never really dreamt of telling a friend that I loved them. I didn't love my friends, if you want all honesty. Not immediately. Love takes time to grow, even if its just a friendship love. I do have friends now, that I love. Anyhoo.
As I got older, that really didn't change. A boy, that I had been "seeing" for about 3 weeks, when I was sixteen, once told me that he loved me. I told him "no you don't", and promptly broke up with him, because I didn't want someone thinking he knew me well enough to declare love after three weeks. In my mind, that was idiotic.
As I reflect on this, I don't feel like I was alone in this kind of attitude. None of my friends verbally confessed love for me. None of my (other) boyfriends did, either. Love, and that magic phrase were reserved for that special someone. Not a phrase to be used lightly. Ever.
So when my (now ex) boyfriend/husband first told me he loved me?
I was over the moon.
Because I'd fallen in love with him, too.
And even now when MM tells me he loves me?
I still get a little thrill...
But I've been observing, quietly, the youth right now. Its easy for me, with MG living in the house.
They use "I love you" ALL THE TIME.
they have their text abbreviation for it (ily). They use it taking surveys when they answer something that will irritate a friend (don't hate me! ily!). They use it with their boyfriends/girlfriends, almost immediately, almost like its expected. They "love" everyone they date?!?
Now, I can hear the detractors now
"Its nice that this generation feels the love".
Do they? Do they feel the love? How do they know? Do they love everyone? Do they have *that* special feeling for all their friends and boyfriends/girlfriends?
And what is going to happen when they DO discover that feeling, that irrevocable, heart breaking emotion that we feel when we do love, LOVE someone.
And they say
"I love you"
and that person, that they LOVE
"well I've heard that before."
because they have. Every day. Text messaged, verbalized, Facebooked. Whatever.
I fear "I love you" is losing its magic.
And it makes me sad...


Mimi said...

But, I do love you. It still makes me happy to hear it said by my family and friends.

Bubblewench said...

Funny, I've been thinking about this alot lately myself. I grew up in a family that NEVER said it to each other. It took my brother & I (who were the only ones who said it to each other)to pretty much KEEP SAYING it to our family until they started saying it back.

It is only in the past year, I have heard my mom say "I love you" to me at the end of a phone call.

I cried the first time.

I love YOU Mie. We have never hugged in person. We have never set eyes on each other, but I know it to be true. Does that make it less then the love I have for Scott? No, it's just different.

I think that is where society is going now, especially the 'new' generation. There are different kinds of love. All that HS ily crap, is well, kinda that. Until they FEEL the real thing, it's a different kind of love. And kids today are not afraid to try it out on all levels, where my upbringing, it wasn't 'allowed'.

Anyway, sorry to hijack comments.

Still love ya. :)

Finding Pam said...

I never tire of hearing I love you from my husband and family. If I really care for someone (friends included) then I will tell them I love you.

Maybe they should say I like you!

sybil law said...

See, I think it's kind of nice. I mean, since we never know what's going to happen - really - one minute to the next - I mean, then they won't have to worry about the last thing they said to each other. They told each other all the time they love them.
As far as it being real - well, I can say deep down, I love people I know *in general*, as fellow human beings, which in actuality means I respect and care for their well-being - even if I don't know them! (Doesn't mean I say it all the time, but mostly, I do, with my friends.)
When they fall in love for "real", well - they'll know the difference right off the bat. There's all different variations on love.
Anyway, I guess I think it's okay, overall. It could be worse. :)

Daryl said...

Both Shannon and Beth said it perfectly ... and whether you like it or not I love you! Not the way I love my sister or ToonMan but its love for someone who I know I will meet one day and hug tight and feel as if we've always known one another .. hey I feel that way now