sick sick sick

I had this whole, well, kind of whole, rambling post written about how we have all had the flu this week. But as I was typing another sentence about retching and vomit I decided that perhaps it could all be left unsaid.
     Suffice it to say that we've all had it now. We've been living in our pajama's, on crackers, cream of wheat, ice, and 7 up. Work was missed, and the house is a disaster. Blankets scatter each of the pieces of furniture, and many many naps have been taken.
    We're all on the mend, today we are closer to our usual activities. Looking forward to taking MB to the preschooler trick or treat event that our down town area hosts every year. I'm hoping that not every treat they hand out involves candy, because he doesn't really eat candy at this point. Maybe I'm taking him to the wrong kind of event for that expectation, but it IS geared for preschoolers, so I have some hope that someone down there will be giving out the treat bags of teddy grahams or something similar. We haven't really committed to whether or not we're taking him out Halloween night or not. We have friends with school age kids that we usually go walk around with, just for the fun of it. Last year MB was only 4 months old. We went for a short while, and he hated it, because it was cold, and he was in a dark stroller. MM ended up carrying him most of the time. Now that he is walking, and much more interactive, he might enjoy being out, and seeing some of the decorated houses. If we go, I can even send him to a few doors I guess. I don't know. I'll see how the weather is, and what his mood is like. If we got trick or treaters here I'd be perfectly happy to stay home and see all the kids that way...
So, anyone else got any good Halloween plans?

slow down!!!

xSxssxxxxxr4rwwWwwwsxcccc gr xgtrtg

What you see above is Mustang Boy's first attempt at a blog post. Unfortunately, he got to banging away quite emphatically, and had to be removed from the scene before my laptop met an unfortunate, toddler fueled demise.
      He is, now, a bona fide, full blown, toddler. Toddling. Running, grabbing everything within his reach. He has a very strong opinion of what he is (or isn't) going to eat. He is starting to have some words. Ball is the first, and his favorite. He mimics the cadences of our voices, I am working hard on getting him to say Trick or Treat!, but I don't think he's quite ready for that one, yet.
For Halloween, he is going to be a football player. Specifically, a 49'er.  We are taking him to a small down town trick or treat function that is especially for the small children. He is not a candy eater, (would be if we let him probably, but I am not in a hurry to let him have tons of sugar) so it doesn't matter what he gets while he's participating.
     Thankfully, he still enjoys a good afternoon nap, and he sleeps in until about 9:30 ish every morning. My new job being the night shift on call for our local hospice is WONDERFUL. It's the closest I will ever get "working from home" as a nurse. Some nights are busy as all get out, and some nights? I barely get any action. Whatever kind of night I end up having, it still gives me much more time at home than I have ever had. AND, I'm more rested, because I get some sleep, every night! So I feel like I'm present with him, not some night shift zombie Mama. It's pretty sweet.
      And Mustang Girl.
We won't even talk about all the changes underway. She's over 18, she's in college, an "adult",
Holy Hell.
It's just too fast!

Dear 16 year old self

(MM did it, and I kind of liked it so I am swiping it. I know, it's been done by many others...)

     Dear 16 year old me

     Don't worry. You won't have acne your whole life. I promise. Now get up and go wash your face.
Do me another favor? Go talk to some of those people you're too shy to talk to right now. They grow up to be some pretty good people, you'll come to find out. They aren't better than you, they don't really think they're better than you, and they could use some more friends too.
     Now, don't freak out, but you are going to join the Navy.
Yes, really. Now get off the floor. It's going to be awesome, for the most part. Pay attention to the lessons in life that Dad is trying to impart to you, they'll come in very handy. Very quickly. Don't worry about guys so much, you'll get your chance. Don't be afraid to love, either. Just know that it might not end very pretty, but the whole process of it? Wonderful, and life altering.
     You're going to go through some shit. I won't lie to you. Just keep your head up, and stay true to yourself. You're stubborn as hell, and truthfully?? You could dial some of that stubborn back a notch. Stick to your guns, and do what you want to do, and remember, it's better to be happy alone than miserable with someone else. That's a lesson we kind of learn the hard way, but it all works out in the end.
      Someday, you're going to find yourself with a blog, a nice, albeit messy house, 2 cats, a bunch a fish, a job you didn't know you wanted but like anyhow, and best of all, an incredible family. Hold onto that thought, and do what you have to do to get there. I promise, it's worth it.
Now go clean your room :)

She's old enough to vote....

Mustang Girl really isn't a girl, anymore.
There. I said it.
She's 18
she's a college student
and she's old enough to vote, as of today.
Wow.
She's still at home with us, but I am guessing it won't be too long before she puts her mind to it and figures out how to get to where she wants to be. I am glad she's here with us, MB is just getting to the age where he appreciates having other people around to torment. Last night, he kept walking up to her and putting his cold hands on her, then laughing as she screeched and squirmed away. He understood that what he was doing was funny, so he kept doing it. And she let him keep doing it, because she's a good big sister.
So, Now I need to be calling her something other than 'girl'.
Geez
I can't believe how time flies.

Our first dance :)

TV was on the other day, and I was getting ready to pack MB up to leave the house. I had to go to work, and we were meeting MM for the kid swap....
Whatever was on started playing "Mony Mony", the Billy Idol version.
And my boy started to dance.
So, I had to stop and dance with him. I mean come on. No matter what is happening in the day, when the boy starts to dance, to a song that seems to make his butt move, what choice did I really have?
It's the first time I've seen him stimulated by music to actually stop and dance. (He does a little with an obnoxious toy, but only because the babysitter's kid was doing it). This is HIS first choice.
Billy Idol, I never thought I'd say this
but thanks...

something new

I think I'm in the process of learning a new life lesson. Its yet something else being a Hospice nurse is teaching me.
So here it is
Don't borrow trouble.
Sound weird?
Lets see if I can possibly explain this. I'm not sure if I can.

My job is to sit, and wait for people who need me to call me.
My previous job was taking care of complicated ICU patients. Doing this, I had to anticipate their needs, and try to meet them, most of the time before the need arrived. It was part of my job to stay one step ahead, if I could, then figure out how to fix it when I couldn't. I could borrow trouble all night long, and usually be correct.
Now, with this job, it's all way, left field. Anyone can call. At any time. With anything. And trust me, they do. I've gotten calls at 2 am about lambs wool. Seriously.
Where my brain runs into a brick wall is AFTER I've dealt with whatever they called me for. Once dealt with, my little ICU brain starts to forecast for the patient I just dealt with.
The thing is?
Thats not what I need to do. They have assigned case managers to do that.
I'm just to 'put out the fire', so to speak.
So I am having to retrain my brain not to worry and forecast and try to do TOO much.
I also seem to forget that I have help....
in the form of spiritual care, and Medical Social Workers.
I'm used to doing by myself.
And when I forget to do something or mess up?
OY!
My brain!!!
I am really having some serious about face moments here!! Its so strange for me to try and convince myself that once I've hung up the phone, or made a visit to someone, and charted it, that I'm done. That's that. I need to shelve it, and go on with other things. I'm really struggling with that, especially when I get a call in the middle of the night, and I need to try to go to sleep after the call. And instead I lay there, forecasting away. I think, maybe, as I continue this job I will get better at this, at putting it aside.
But part of me mourns that. I kind of like being a forward thinker....

people suck.

A few weeks ago, I found out we have a place in my small town that is advertised as an indoor place where kids of all ages could go play. It has stuff for all ages, swings, slides, a toddler area, classes, and also a swap section for clothing and toys. If you bought a membership, you could use it seven days a week. And they have a special birthday party room,

Well, it sounded kind of interesting, so I emailed the lady who runs it. She assured me that plenty of toddlers used the facility, so MB would have company, and that I could come check the place out, first visit for free.

    So, I got up one Thursday am, packed up MB and all the necessary things that go with a traveling toddler, and off we went.

     To say I was disappointed is a huge understatement.

The place was in a windowless warehouse, no AC, no fans. The floor was cement, with some rugs present in certain areas. The swing for toddlers was hung with that abrasive yellow rope, and if he leaned forward, it rubbed his head. If he leaned backward, it rubbed his head.... the toys weren't safe, and the people!

     My lord. The people.

The other kids ran amock, with minimal supervision. (MB was almost run over twice, by a tricycle, and a scooter), it was a free for all.

And the other mothers there....

All stood in a corner together, staring at me playing (or trying to play) with my son. All these young, late 20, early 30's barefoot, natural snack bearing, judgemental cows, who acted like they'd never seen anyone like me with a baby before. One of them even moved her daughter away from MB while they were playing in the same area. None of them spoke to me. Hell, they didn't come within 10 feet of me, honestly. They stayed in their little grouping, staring, whispering... Including the lady who runs the place. (It was her daughter and the scooter that almost ran MB over)

So we left. Because seriously? 

It actually kind of hurt my feelings. 

Not for ME, by any means. I'm a big girl, screw those other 'ladies' (and I use that term loosely).

But for MB. 

What kind of crap is that?

Those kids were close to his age. He wanted to play. He knows how to share, he smiles and laughs, he's so easy going and sweet. It really upsets me that people can't unbend, and realize that we all have something to offer, no matter our differences in age, appearance, or socio-economical class. For the record, I believe the problem here was actually my age. MB and I were in the typical mom jeans/messy toddler clothing that seems to be synonymous with this particular age group. Or maybe the problem was that I didn't just put him down and let him play unsupervised. I played WITH him. (no one else was). 

Whatever it was, they were un friendly, unwelcoming, standoffish unaccepting and a few other words I can think of.

We won't be going back. Ever.

I'll find something different, maybe. Or I'll find more of the same, possibly. In the meantime, we will stay home and play with the fun, safe toys. Oh. And the 2 new black kittens we seem to have acquired...)