Merry Christmas

From our house to yours :)

and now for something completely different

As I was trying to fall asleep the other night, I was doing something I frequently do when insomnia rears it's ugly head, I was reciting song lyrics. For some reason, my mind went to the Eagles song "There's A Hole in the World". (that looks funny written out. ha!).

Anyhow, that song, though repetitive, contains one of my favorite lines ever written, probably:

"they say that anger is just love disappointed".

And suddenly, instead of reviewing lyrics, I was thinking about anger and love, and I decided that whomever "they" are, they are right!

Then, I started considering other song lyrics, and what I thought were some of the better, more meaningful ones. My mind ran the gamut, from an oldie called "You Don't Own Me", to Country, because MM loves the lyric "Bubba hollered out, 'reckless, hell! I hit just where I was aiming!'". So many things to choose from,

and then I fell asleep.

So, now I want to know from you (few) readers, what is your favorite, meaningful song lyric?

really?

So, I discovered something interesting last night. Or more, read an interesting article.

Apparently,

We are supposed to have Mustang Boy bottle free by the time he is a year old. To do this, we get him a sippy cup at around 6 months old, and let him hold it and play with it. When he can hold onto this well, we start filling it with water, or other appropriate beverages to his age. Then we start substituting it for bottles he would get during the day time hours, until he isn't using bottles anymore.

All this, before he's even a year old? Really?

The article(s) that I read were going on and on about bottle rotted teeth, and childhood obesity when you let them keep the bottle too long.

Now, it's not that I want him going to kindergarten with his bottle in his Star Wars lunch box or anything, but I hadn't really given that much thought to when the right time is to switch him to other containers. So far, I've been going by instinct, and pediatrician advice over when to do major things, like feed him solid foods, ect. I think having no bottles by the time he is 12 months old is kind of pushing it though. But he might surprise me.

So, people with kids, how did you know when it was time to faze out the bottle? And how old were YOUR kids?

playing catch up

Thanksgiving did not disappoint! Well, except not having MG there with us... but I guess we have to share :(

We went to visit my parents, and middle sister, her husband and their kids were there. She is the one with 3 boys of her own, and right now they have a foster son who is 2 weeks older than Mustang Boy. We are for sure making up for the years when mostly girls were born to the family :) (at one point, there were 6 girl cousins, and one, lone, boy....)

To say it got noisy at times is an understatement. Along with the noise came all the stimulation, and voices, and arms that wanted to hold MB. He did really good for a long time, but, after MiMi got picture happy, he had an epic crying meltdown, and it took both MM and I to rock him to a much needed nap. He just isn't used to all the people, stimulation, and attention... He woke up smiling again, and we now have a plan to try and make the Christmas visit less stimulating for him. I am aware of the fact that he's going to need to adjust and adapt to the situations, but right now? He doesn't understand that, and his fresh little brain is only going to take in so much stimulation, even if that stimulation comes with love.

My RA is still acting up somewhat on me. I am moving a lot better, and functioning with a lot less pain, but I still feel it in many joints. The medication I'm taking for it is a little scary for me, too. Im taking a low dose of a chemotherapy drug, weekly, and that is frightening. But, I feel okay, so I have to believe that its working. I feel a whole hell of a lot better, actually. So I go with it, and try not to think too much about it. It will be with me for the rest of my life, so, accepting it has to happen, and I have to move on.....

alright. I'm off to clean a long overdue fish tank. (So overdue, I have someone who is really going to clean it for me while I "help".)

I can almost taste the leftovers now!

I am really looking forward to this Thanksgiving, for some reason. Not that I didn't look forward to them before, because I've always enjoyed Thanksgiving, but I think, after having such a roller coaster holiday season last year, my attitude is kind of better towards this year. Last year was all that damn snow, plus, without realizing it, I was barely pregnant. My body sure knew it, I was so weepy! Plus all that snow!

So far, we've had just a small amount of the white stuff. I'm good with that. When MB is older, some snow might be fun, for him. I'll stand at the window with my hot chocolate and watch him play in it :)

Anyhow. Thanksgiving!

Coming soon!

We are going to my parents house this year, along with a large amount of the family. I am bringing dessert items. I think that I am also going to make us a small Turkey here, for our own after T day celebration. MG is with her Mom this week, so she won't get a home cooked meal. (Her Mom likes Boston Market Thanksgiving Dinners.... to each their own..... I have no comment on that....).

Plus, by doing our own Turkey here, I'll have plenty of sandwich fodder, ha ha haaaaa......

The RA thing is improving-ish.. the meds seem to be helping me some, though I just got bold enough to try and squat down to grab something from a cabinet and OH LORDY. Knee popping tearful pain! Obviously, my knees aren't ready for that kind of action yet... but I stood back up, cursed a bit, and walked it off. Thats MUCH better than it was...

Happy Thanksgiving from our crazy house to all of yours :)

Bitter disapointment

Yesterday, I think that I got to witness MB's first real disappointment in life.

We've been introducing him to foods, usually a new one every 3-4 days. One of the latest has been peas.... and also peaches.

He is a HUGE fan of the peaches. His eyes light up, and I cannot spoon them in fast enough. He recognizes the packages of baby food, and I got one out yesterday, it was peas... He didn't realize what they were, until I spooned the first bite of foul brew into his mouth.

OH, the drama...

the eyes got wide, tears started to fall, and the lower lip came out further than i'd ever seen it. Then, the head went back and a full blown wail of sadness, accented by peas running down the chin emerged.

I felt so bad for him.

But yet, I kept feeding him the peas....

RA, RA, RA?

So, its been "officially" confirmed, I do indeed, have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

What does this mean?

It means at least I know what's going on with my silly body, and it also means that I have treatment that will significantly put me in a better place.

I met my rheumatologist yesterday for the first time. I really liked him. He's this really kind of quirky MD who studied mostly in the south (Mississippi) and he was very positive about what I could expect over the next few months. He was also realistic and too the point, which I like.

I've started taking the medications, and, he says in a few weeks I'll feel like a new woman. My symptoms will resolve, over some time, and I have to not get complacent because I feel better and stop taking the medications. I will be on meds for the rest of my life, if I want to not have the pain issues and swelling issues I have now.

He also took me off work until January 1st, so that we can get all the meds and symptoms and labwork sorted out. Apparently I am very prone to infection at this time, because my body is too busy fighting itself to recognize that another outside thing needs to be fought. Makes sense. Working in an ICU full of winter infected people could cause me issues, so, I'm off. Can't say I'm heartbroken, since it gives me the holidays free and clear to spend with my family, BUT, I do like my job too, and was kind of just getting back into the groove after maternity leave.

Ah, well, whats a girl to do

So thats the skinny on me. MB is of course, awesome. He's eating some solid foods now, Applesauce, Carrots, and Peaches. Next on the list of things to subject him to is peas. Yech. But he needs a green veggie...

MG is doing fantastic in her senior year, senior pictures to be taken soon!

And of course MM is still fantastic and has really been supportive over all the recent junk I'm experiencing...

so, onward, upward, ect. ect.

I'm all set to kick some RA ass, and get on with it....

Halloween!

Or, almost....

my favorite part about this holiday is really, all the small kids in cute costumes. Always has been. The funny thing is, I almost went crazy with ideas of all the cute things we could put MB in this year, but then my rational brain kind of took over, and realized that he wouldn't really enjoy being dressed up from head to toe, he'd probably be fussy and pull the annoying bits off, or he'd spit up on the whole thing. So, instead, he has a cute onesie for the day with a ghost on it and it says BOO! on the butt. As the weather is now getting colder, though, he wears pants now too, so more than likely, no one will even see the BOO, but I know its there :). Next year, maybe, will be good for costumes for him.

He, and MG are my treats of this Halloween. My 'trick', unfortunately, is my joints.

We all know I had a rough pregnancy. That back strain alone still makes me weep. Well, after I had the boy I felt fantastic.

For about 2 weeks. Then, all my joints really started in on me. I figured that it would take time for all the relaxin to leave my system, but its been four months, now. Some things are better. Some are worse. My hands are horrible. So I went to my MD, and my chiropractor. They both think the same thing. I seem to be having a Rheumatoid Arthritis flare. Reading up on it, I find out its common when there are big hormonal changes. And, what have I been having over the last year really? Yep. Changes.

So, I'm having the lab work done, and I'll be going to see a specialist so that I can start to hopefully, function closer to normal again. Work has been interesting, to say the very least. It will get better.... it will get better.

Buddy

Since becoming the mother of a son, I've noticed something...

every little boy seems to be "Buddy".

Not partner, pal, or dude

but buddy.

I work pretty hard at home at referring to MB with his real name. I really don't hate the name Buddy, but I didn't name him that, either. I want him to respond to what we named him, I kind of like the name :). None the less, Buddy is heard fairly frequently in our house, and I hear it in public, too, with other parents with boys, or people who come talk to us when we are out and about with MB in his stroller. (He LOVES his stroller. It moves and everything.)

I wonder, when they all start kindergarten, if a teacher were simply to call out the name Buddy how many of the kids would answer?....

Oh, and before I forget, special Thank you to Pam for the sweet card and adorable pillow she sent to MB. We love it :)

the raving post of an insomniac

I can't sleep!!! AAAAAARGH! I think that MB has got me so trained to getting broken up sleep that even now, while he is blissfully sleeping the night away, I am awake with an active mind!

Of course, there are other things going on that are helping to activate my mind, but still. Its 0253 AM. I would love to be sacked out about now

But since I'm not...

Halloween is almost here! I have blogged many times how much I like Halloween. To me, its a pretty much no pressure holiday. There is some work to it, costumes, candy. But thats FUN work. Don't get me wrong, I like the other holidays, but sometimes, too much brain work has to go into them. Thanksgiving isn't bad, but Christmas, though I love it, is a brain buster. We made it easier on ourselves this year, and the adults drew names again, which I like very much. We'll spoil the kids, play steal a gift, and make merry.

But I'm not ready for that yet! I am ready to bring on Halloween! We decided not to put MB into a full on costume this year, I think he wouldn't like it much. He does have a cute Halloween onesie to wear, though. If I were going to dress him up, I think he looks a little like Caspar, the friendly Ghost, so I'd do that.

Sigh. 3 am. And here I sit. I'd bet money that the minute I get tired and fall asleep, MB will wake up hungry...

3 months old :)

And we couldn't love him more if we tried....

Hit and Miss

see I post twice in a week, then nothing for what, 9 days?

Ahh, you all know what I'm up to, I don't want to bore you with baby stuff. I could go on and on and on about the Boy. He's a whopping three months old now, but, as with all preemies, they adjust the age back to look for milestones.. He's doing great, gaining weight, eating, pooping, smiling, cooing and making all kinds of racket when he chooses to. He stays awake longer, sometimes too long, because he's already figured out that if he goes to sleep he might miss something good. Little stinker.

Work is at the bottom of the dogpile for me. Because I was off so long, I think my body forgot how to fight the germy's off, and as a result, I've been sick and at home this week from it. Its typical. My nursing immunity will kick in and bail me out here. I kind of expected something like this to happen. Its not horribly severe, just enough to annoy me, actually, save a few incidences that had me home alone, being sick in a bathroom and listening to the baby cry. That was kind of hard. It sucked actually...

I'm looking forward to the fall weather we are supposed to get this week. If I had to choose a season to live in permanently, I'd choose Fall. I really like this time of year. If only they wouldn't contaminate it by putting out the Christmas stuff already....

lets try again

Wow.

I'm on the computer, twice this week! MM and MB are napping together on the couch. (I'd post a picture but it is really not MM's thing when I take pictures of him sleeping, even if he's with the cute baby).

Its funny how my time priorities have changed. I used to climb out of bed leisurely, open my computer, peruse the news, the blogs, look around at a few things, IM with MM while he was at work...

Now, of course, my time revolves around the cute new boy in the house. And I'm totally not complaining about that. One of the funny things I've noticed now is that I can be satisfied looking like hell most days, but MB has to look totally cute or I'm not satisfied. :).

My new work shoes should be coming tomorrow, thats the soonest I can get them. I'm hoping that I get to stay home on call tonight. If not, I'm going to have to wear my not work shoes to work in, which I don't like doing. I have this thing about keeping the stuff I wear in the hospital separate. Even shoes. But I CANNOT wear my other nursing shoes anymore without extreme pain. I like not being in extreme pain...

MG turned 17 yesterday... we are making her ugly cake this weekend for her. I still can't believe she's 17, and graduating from high school this year. I met her when she was this cute little 12 year old. She has grown up so fast. I'm sure, in a few years I will be crying about how fast my boy has grown up on me too. But for now?

I still get the good smelling baby :)

aargh

Its talk like a pirate day, but frankly? I'm too tired to actually attempt it. I'd probably hurt myself.

MB is in his swing right now, but has been fussy today so I am expecting it won't last long so I better update in a hurry.

Work has been work. It hasn't changed. Going back was VERY hard, for many reasons. Somehow, my feet are wider than they were before MB, and my shoes just aren't cutting it, and it really is bad working 12 hours in shoes that are not wide enough. Not a good thing. And I can't find any locally so I am awaiting some mail order shoes....

emotionally, I cry at least once a shift because I am not at home. I do miss everyone when I am at work. But I still like my job and want to do it.

Oh man. Tears and crying from the swing. I knew that wouldn't last long.

We're all good here. I ate carnitas last night, home made. I think they didn't agree with MB, and now I feel bad and have to go soothe him...

so Hi and Bye I guess

here we go again...

So, tomorrow is it....

I'm headed back to work after having been off since the end of April.

My brain is going in so many directions. Part of me looks forward to going back, getting into the groove of taking care of people again, and reconnecting with the co workers I happen to like, (and avoiding the ones I don't).

Part of me is scared, because I am still having some pain issues with my back and shoulders, and at times even my knees. I still seem to have a bunch of relaxin floating around my body from the pregnancy. Literature says it can take 3 months to get it all out. Your body makes 10 times the relaxin it needs while you're pregnant. I can sure tell.

Part of me wants to stay home, with my boy, so that I don't miss a single solitary thing. But I know that option is not realistic, nor would it be healthy, for either me, or him. Even at such a young age, he has to start learning some independence from Mom. Thats a tough one. Of course he has MM and MG here to meet his needs, and I know they are going to continue to be awesome at that. But I won't be here to well,

be here.

Deep cleansing breath!

Its going to be all good.... Once again, we will adjust and find our new rhythm

whats been going on

I swear we are a magnet for rude people when we go out to have dinner.

We went back for the good mexican food to the same restaurant where my water broke. It was fairly early in the evening, and just one family was in the small area where we were sat down.

Right as our dinner arrived, the woman in the group, very loudly, and stridently, starts yelling at everyone at her table about her ability to tolerate pain while she is giving birth ("I just turn my head and stare off!! I DO! THATS WHAT I DO!!!") and she then progressed into yelling louder and more insistently "YOU TRY TO PUSH A WATERMELON THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE!!!" numerous times. Her KIDS were begging her to be quiet, her husband just kind of sat there, unamused, while she bleated on... and on... and on... for about 10 minutes. Geez. Like I really wanted to hear that.

I go back for my first day of work this Wednesday. I've been dreaming about it. I don't know if thats a good thing or not. But, it will be fine, I'm sure.

Mustang Boy had his 2 month appointment this last week. He weighs 9 lbs 13 oz, and is 22.5 inches long. If you go by that growth chart they love so much he is in the 5th percentile :). Not bad at all. He is eating well, and starting to stay awake longer and interact with us more. He also got some shots, which didn't thrill him (or me) in the least bit. He survived it, and was easily consoled, but I know in the future he's going to know what needles are and hate them. I don't blame him, at all...

Mustang Girl wise, she is enjoying school, so far, and we are getting ready to have her senior portraits taken. We will probably have some pictures taken of MB, as well....

Tired

Oh I am so tired....

I know, I know...

babies+parents= no sleep.

But its really not just the sleep thing, because frankly, MM is really good to me when it comes to sleep. Whenever he can, he gets up with Mustang Boy and does a middle of the night feeding so that I can sleep as much as I can.

I am emotionally tired.

Its not a bad thing, I don't think. It shows I'm human, really. The last week has been tough, MB is having problems with being constipated and gassy, and there is NOTHING worse then hearing your baby scream and cry from something so simple as wanting to have a BM, or even fart. Its getting better, slowly, too slow for my taste. Other than that, he is staying awake longer, holding his head up and looking around, and he has started to smile at me, purposefully, especially when I tickle his chin. He also makes really sweet noises to me while I am doing things with him. I think he is telling me his secrets..

But then, he gets hungry, and eats, and then the pain again... and I want to cry with him. (and sometimes, I do).

Yes, we are using the Mylicon, we've made and given him more of the karo syrup water, warm baths, belly massage. Even rectal stimulation. (I know, TMI).

We see the pediatrician tuesday, I'm wondering if we need to change his formula. He is getting breastmilk, and high calorie preemie formula right now. We shall see...

Time stand still!

Time continues to fly by. Tomorrow, Mustang Girl is starting her SENIOR year in high school...

it seems like yesterday I was blogging about her graduating from Eighth Grade. It is scary how fast time goes by. I'm afraid that I'm going to turn around tomorrow and Mustang Boy is going to be starting kindergarten. Then graduating himself.... for the first time in a long time I am wishing that I had a way to slow things down a bit. Instead, I am trying to enjoy every moment. Especially before I head back to work...

We took a longer trip with him this weekend, an over night one. We attended a friends wedding reception, then drove to my parents house the next day. MB did pretty well, until the ride home, he was so tired of the car seat, that soothing him was nearly impossible. We were all so glad to get home and back to our routine, such as it is. The routine is about to change, though, since MG is starting school, MM is starting his classes again, and I am going back to work soon. Finding our new normal over the next few months is going to be interesting, but we've figured it out so far, so I am sure we will muck our way through it....

Meanwhile, here is a picture of MB relaxing with his grandfather...

Oh, how we've grown!

One month left

It seems like a long time, but I know now it's not.

I go back to work in one month.

I should actually be going back in about a week, but I got my leave extended, related to Mustang Boy's prematurity. (Go, me!)

Part of me is ready to go to work, and enjoy my job again. I do miss nursing other people.

Part of me wants to quit today and stay home with our son, enjoying every second.

That isn't an option. And I don't really want it to be, honestly. I like working. But its going to be tough, driving away that first night.

What really helps is that I know I am leaving him in very capable hands.

I knew that MM was a great father, anyone can see that when they see him interact with MG. But seeing him with our son? OMG I could not have found a better man to procreate with! Seriously. I love watching the two of them together. I know while I am at work that everything is going to be better than fine, and that MB will be in the best of hands. That will make going to work again so much easier.

Hopefully I won't fall asleep mid shift....

Waiting, patiently

Every now and then, I have to re-affirm that I've been Darylized...

We saw this lovely dog when we were at Donner Park. He was sitting with his back to me, patiently watching his people pack up their stuff, getting ready to leave. I decided I needed a picture of him, and just as I was taking it, like he knew what I was up to, he turned around and gave me this sweet look. His owners spoke Spanish, and sadly, I don't, so I don't know his name...

fun weekend

We had a very interesting weekend... it was kind of cool.

It was MM's last weekend off before having to go back to work (after being off for almost a month) so I let him have all the control over our outings...

Sadly, Saturday found us at a Memorial Service for a friend of MM's. Lots of people there we knew, it was a very informal gathering, and turned out to be a nice time telling stories and meeting/seeing people.

One person there that I knew also had her 95 year old mother there. She asked me to come sit down with them for a bit so her Mom could see the baby. So, I did, and, in the end, this 95 year old lady ended up with Mustang Boy in her lap. He was sound asleep. The change that came over her was beautiful. She so enjoyed holding him, and talking to him, and telling me about her own son, when he was that tiny, and she could not have him at home until he was over 5 pounds... watching her, I could envision the young mother that she was. It was kind of awesome. He stayed calm and sleeping in her lap, for a good 10 minutes. Her daughter was more nervous than the rest of us were. One thing I have learned is that when you go into the public with a baby, you are an elderly person magnet. I had more people coming up to us to see him and "bless him" this weekend. It was interesting.

Sunday, we took a short trip to the Donner State Park. Its on a lake, with lots of walking trails and chipmunks. It was a nice get away that wasn't too away from home. It felt good to be out walking in the sunshine. We want to go back with a big picnic, soon! Mustang Boy did pretty well, but at the end of the day he was fussy and ready to be at home where he could sprawl out and stretch. Not in the car seat, or Moby wrap...

Tomorrow it will be four weeks since his birth. I can't believe how fast time is going. He has gained some weight, we are up to a whopping 5 lbs 6 oz now! Our newest preemie battle is unfortunately with constipation issues... not fun. But we are working through it, one of the pediatricians gave me some great tips Sunday morning on how to help him. Yes, I absolutely paged the on call MD sunday am, he was miserable. I was miserable. She didn't mind me calling at all...

OH!

and we got a package, from NYC! We LOVE the onsies, pictures will come soon, Daryl! Thank you so much!!!!!!!

Figuring it all out

So, Mustang Boy has been home now for 18 days. That just doesn't seem possible.

Life goes on, but at a slower pace for the moment. The days of being able to just grab keys and walk out of the house are over, now I have to make sure I have whats needed for he and I, load him in the car seat (which takes me some time, because he is already a wiggler) and THEN I can go. What has really been a wonderful blessing is that MM has been home with us since the birth of the boy. When it's all said and done, he basically had a month off to spend time at home getting to know his son, and help me through the hormonal minefield that is Post Partum life.

Speaking of hormones, I was half way expecting to have a slight Post partum depression problem. Happily, so far, knock on my computer, I've really not experienced that. Yes, I've had days where I cry over nothing. I had one memorable day where my emotions ran the gamut from deleriously happy to screaming shrew (thankfully we haven't repeated THAT), but all of that was within the first week, and, expected. I still get tearful kind of easily, but I can deal with that fairly well.

The fun thing is learning MB's cues to what he wants, or needs. Yesterday, he was fussy and not settling down, like he usually does after his belly has been filled. He was laying on my chest, and wormed his way all the way up, and then laid his head on the bare skin in the v neck of my shirt.

Now, when he was first born, every morning we would lay skin to skin for at least an hour. It soothes him, it soothes me, frankly. But lately that has kind of fell by the wayside, being at home means other things demand me. But he apparantly missed it, and needs that time. So I pulled off his onesie, and tucked him up under my shirt, where he immediately calmed, and then slept for a solid 2 hours, when he woke up ready to eat again. So, the moral of that story is for me to make sure he gets that time with me. Not a problem. And I was pretty pleased with myself that I was able to figure out how to soothe him.

We have one more week of having Daddy at home with us, and then, he goes back to work. :(. Mustang Girl is starting school in less than a month, and I will have to go back to work myself sometime soon. I am actually seeking to extend my maternity leave until Sept. 1st, just to make sure we are over our prematurity issues. I want to go back to work. But I know its going to be tough at first.

But We will figure that out, too...

On Prematurity

* This is a little rant-ish, but I wanted to get it out of my system*

So, Mustang Boy is still good. We are coming along...

But I am here to tell you, having him be five weeks early? Is a challenge in itself.

One thing I am already tired of is people telling me how "lucky" I am to have given birth to a small baby. Lucky, really? Because I felt contractions just like everyone else did. He came out, just like most other babies. And while they might think it was easier on me because he was only 4 lbs 9 oz, I can say I don't think its that much easier.

People don't stop and think about the fact that he is PREMATURE.

That means he was supposed to be still enjoying life on the inside! He wasn't quite ready for his entrance, and frankly? Neither were we! MM had to put together his furniture post haste, and his little clothes weren't even washed!

And, how about the fears that go with having a baby, early? I had a shot of surfactant, to help with his lung maturity, but I needed 2 of those shots, one 24 hours after the first one. I never got that second shot, so, there was a possibility he would need respiratory support. Being the star he is, Mustang Boy had a lusty cry right out of the uterus, and I have never been so glad to hear anything.

Then, there is the whole regulate the body temperature issues, because small babies don't have a lot of fat to keep them warm. Thankfully we had the boy during warm weather! Still, there were nights in the cold hospital where I had to beg the nurse to give us a little less air conditioning, but everyone else and their babies were warm. So we bundled up, and MB slept with me, in a hat, clothes, and at times, in 2 blankets....swaddled within an inch of his life...

And then, all the heel sticks for monitoring his glucose levels, and checking his bilirubin levels. MB still has holes in his heels, and he is 2 weeks old, already!

And the eating! Trying to get a preemie newborn to co-ordinate his suck, swallow breathe mechanism is hard work. And God Forbid the baby lose weight, or isn't getting enough breast milk or not pooping enough. We are still finger feeding him extra formula with a syringe and feeding tube to ensure that he gains weight, because I really don't want to have to go back into the hospital with him. Never have I worked so hard, and been so thrilled with a whopping 3 oz. weight gain! "Term" babies will lose a little weight, and it's okay, because they were bigger to begin with....

Why aren't we just using a bottle for that extra formula? Because.. right now he can learn one thing and be comfortable with it. Either breast. Or bottle. Not both. It would confuse him if we tried to go back and forth, until he is closer to his due date. I chose to breast feed. I'm not sorry. He will be able to go back and forth eventually, but not right now.

And his clothes that we picked out so carefully?

Don't fit him. Big time.

But we did get some cute preemie outfits, and he looks adorable no matter what he is wearing.

So do me a favor, if you meet a woman who had her baby early, don't try and tell her she is lucky. She knows she is lucky in a lot of ways, but, truthfully? Thats not one of them...

despite the challenge created by his prematurity, we are still really loving and enjoying our son, and as each day goes by he gets bigger, and stronger. We ARE lucky in that. Even when I went into labor, I just somehow KNEW he'd be okay. And he is, and he will be...

One Week

Almost to the minute.

One Week.

A week that has changed my life in ways that I could not have imagined or even remotely predicted.

I would not give this week back for anything.

You want the story, right?

I know you do.

Sit down, it might get long. I need to get it all out. And I am sure I will be laughing and crying while I write this post. Maybe you will be, too.

I will say, first and formost, because it will be torture if I don't. Mustang Boy is fine. No, he's PERFECT. He was born on June 28th, at 9:26 pm, and weighed in at 4 pounds, 9 oz. He is 18 1/4 inches long. He is small, but mighty. Right now he is napping on his Daddy's chest after a day of meeting his grandparents, Auntie Seattle, and Great Grandma.

So, from the beginning.....

Monday the 27th found us at our usual. Mustang Girl and I at home doing things. Mustang Man at work. He came home, and we decided it was a good time to go get groceries. Oh. And some Mexican Food for dinner before we went. Away we went. I sat down to some very excellent Enchilada Suiza that I can ALMOST still taste they were that good. Damn good. MM was paying for our fine meal, and I headed to the bathroom. Curse of the pregnant woman, you know... Halfway there, All the sudden, my pants were wet.

WET. LOTS OF WET.

Oh My God.

WET.

And I knew, it wasn't urine. Sorry if that grosses any of you out. But its what I was thinking. So, I haul to the bathroom, where I panic,laugh, and oddly, debate what I want to do. (Like I had a choice, right?). I came out, looked at Mustang Girl, and said, Get my purse. Get your Dad, my water just broke.

Oh, did I mention the full restaurant? Yeah...

We make our escape, and reality is setting in. We are all excited. We were probably all scared, too. For those of you keeping score, this meant that our boy was early. By FIVE WEEKS. Not horrible, but not really ideal.

A few minutes later found me standing at the locked door that leads to the labor department at my hospital, ringing the doorbell to get in. At change of shift, no less. Still having intermittant gushes of amniotic fluid. No doubt about it. MM was doing his best to get me attention before I started leaving puddles on the floor. I got in,got into a bed, and it was confirmed, I was indeed a PROM. (premature rupture of membranes). My good Dr. D was not on call, and a Dr. I don't really care for was. He told me that they would start an IV, some antibiotics, and watch me for the night, and Dr. D would see me in the am. He tells me he doubts anything much will happen, and as long as I am getting the antibiotics, we can let things progress.

Then, the contractions started. In my back. I had some hum dingers, too. All in my back. Time went by, and I just wasn't progressing much, despite the pain. My mom and sister came, warm showers were taken. Curse words were bandied about, tears were shed. The boy stayed rock steady throughout it all.

Then, after not progressing all freaking day, Dr. D started to mention the C word... Caesarean Section. But he had one last trick up his sleeve. One last dirty trick.

PITOCIN. Medication of the devil. Satan invented. My last chance for progression.

So they turn it on, and turn it up. And up. Then up some more. And I contract, contract cuss, and contract. And my contractions? No break between them, I was stacking five of them one on top of the other on top of the other. And that nurse turned the Pit up MORE. Damn it. She says to me that it will put me into an organized contraction pattern.

Organized my ASS.

I went from 4 cm dilated to 10 cm dilated in 1.5 hours. And because of that? I didn't get my intra-thecal for pain relief. We tried some fentanyl in my IV, but it was no use. I stopped asking for it.

And that nurse?

Told me to push. But not to make noise while doing it. Yeah, that didn't happen. I needed to make that noise. So I did.

Then that nurse?

She told me to pant, not push anymore. You see, Dr. D wasn't there, yet, and she said he would get mad if I delivered without him. She didn't want to deliver him.

20 minutes later?

That nurse delivered him.

Because I had panted a lot more than I thought I could. He was not gonna wait.

Then Dr. D walked in.

Sweet relief, all the way around.

My back pain? Gone. I got to have the baby with me, on my chest, for a good 20 minutes, he was doing so well. Then he got weighed and measured, and his Daddy got to hold him, and bring him back to me. A sweeter moment I will never have. Mustang Girl came in, pictures were taken, tears were shed. People went home, and I got up, went to the restroom, cleaned myself up, then WALKED to my post partum domain, pushing my son in his bassinette.

Yes I did. Because I am woman.

We spent 4 nights in the hospital, extra because of his tinyness. We've had evil lab tests that involve the poking and poking of his heels, my poor boy. But he has passed them all with flying colors. We have a few hurdles, mainly eating related, but we are doing well. He is growing and changing every day.

Family has come to oogle and admire and argue over who gets to hold him next. MM, MG and I have had some seriously good quality time bonding with him, both at the hospital, and at home.

Baby furniture was quickly assembled, clothing washed and sorted through for outfits that would fit his tiny frame.

Hormones have gone WILD.

more tears and curse words have been shed.

But through it all, our focus is our boy.

We are in love. He is all we couldask forin one tiny package.

And we are eternally grateful.

Stubborn

I am sure you all remember that along with the boy coming our way, we have a teenage girl as well. She is a great kid, and has been a big help during the pregnancy, and looks forward to her little brother.

She is, however, a teen. And all that goes with that. We've had our challenges lately, and right now, she is chafing at the bit some because she's had to start off her summer vacation grounded.

It is what it is.

Yesterday, we were watching something on television that had young adults wearing placards that announced what they felt their vulnerabilities were. Or something like that. Maybe it was their biggest malfunctions, I wasn't paying that much attention to it. Thinking about it, I told her I would be wearing one that said "Procrastination". Its gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion. She opined that she wasn't sure what she'd put down.

I smiled, and said, (nicely) that I thought stubborn might work for her. She took that well, said she thought stubborn was a compliment, and didn't see how it could be a vulnerability. Which started us on a discussion about how it really COULD be.

Stubborn can be a good trait. It is useful on many occasions. But, you also have to know how to pull it back. How to realize that though you WANT to be right, you are not always right, and you have to admit that. Stubborn can prevent all that.

I think she saw my point. I know that when I was her age, I was stubborn and would have rather have been bathed in fire ants then back down from whatever or whomever I was trying to out stubborn.

She is just like me. I may not have given birth to her, but I swear, we are cut from the same cloth. So here we are, in the stubborn teenage years. Adding a baby to the mix.

Maybe I should call this post CRAZY.... :)

technology? Bah!

The latest technology offered to people expecting children is the 3D ultrasound, which gives an amazingly accurate picture of your baby's features, while still in utero....

My OB has told me from the beginning of my pregnancy that we should have one if we wanted it, and that it is perfectly safe for the baby. The only caution he had was that the people doing it should not be offering any diagnostic advice, because they are not my MD. Made sense to me...

I can admit a curiosity, to see what the boy looks like, and, frankly? I love seeing him moving and healthy. BUT, I also am the lucky one that gets to feel him move and hiccup and kick and roll. I know that Mustang Man, and Mustang Girl really enjoy getting to hear his heartbeat, and see him, too, possibly more than me. So, I found a place that does the the 3D, and scheduled us for a look. My Mom also got to come, she really wanted to see her grandson...

Well...

Mustang Boy, true to the form I've grown used to, had another idea :)

He is, and has been for at least a month, already in a head down position, preparing himself for his grand entrance. Because of this, he is low enough that the ultrasound was not able to capture his face. At all. I laughed, and am still laughing. The tech told us to get our money back. (which we did).

Would I have liked to see him? Yeah. But I am going to be seeing him PLENTY. And soon. So will MM, MG, and my Mom. Everyone took it good naturedly, chalked it up, and in the end, at least we got to meet my mom for a nice lunch. We also, that evening, met with MM's niece, and her boyfriend, for a nice dinner. It was a nice, family oriented day.

A different kind of question

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

and the one question that I kept going back to last night?

I want to know why the Swiss have such a nice, yellow, nutty flavored cheese named for them, and what WE got was a very generic orange square that comes individually wrapped in plastic.... out of all the cheeses out there I feel we could have done MUCH better...

So, anyone got any answers for me?

suddenly, I find I have lots of questions...

As time is going by, and I am getting closer and closer to THE day, I am slowly letting myself think about the things that I've been shoving to the back of my mind.

40 weeks is a long time. I knew that, but now I REALLY know that. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I knew better than to let myself think a whole lot about August. It was a long way off, and that would really torment my brain. My mantra through out all of this time has been "one day at a time". I needed it to be that way. I kind of still do, however, I also now feel where we are at the stage where the things have to start coming together into some sort of plan of action. Things need to get done. Mustang Boy is growing and moving and kicking, and some of my fears of bad things happening are diminished.

We are currently surrounded by boxes of baby furniture that needs assembly. A crib, a changing table. We are in the process of re arranging our bedroom so that we can put said furniture where we want it.

Other than house stuff, my mind has started to wonder about labor, and contractions and stuff. Will I be one of those panic ridden women who goes to the hospital three times with "just" Braxton-Hicks contractions? How will I know the difference between those and the real thing? Will my water break first? and if it does, I hope I am outside, or in the shower or something.

And, at the risk of grossing you all out, don't even get me started on the whole mucus plug thing...

These are the things starting to creep into my brain. I think I liked the avoidance method better :)

Happy Memorial Weekend

Now, go thank a Veteran, or five :)

here, fish fish fish....

Most of you know that MM and I keep fish tanks in the house. And that this winter was very very hard on said fish tanks.

Truth be told, I think we both kind of lost our fishy mojo for awhile because of all the fish death that occured around those power outages. I took a few chances, and got a couple fish a few times for the big tank, but the power would go out again, and the new fish always died. So, I stopped.

We still have our hearty survivors, the loaches, the cories, the four gourami, a frog. So there is life, in my big tank, at least. Unfortunately, there is also a mess, the tank needs to have all its decor taken out, it's air hoses exchanged, and a partial water change done. I have not had the gumption to do any of that. And we won't even discuss how bad the salt water tank is right now...

We did, however, finally square away our Betta tank, and get a new inhabitant for it. MM named him "Nimitz", after a famous Admiral in the Navy.

He's a beautiful fish, dark blue, with a black face, and 2 red underfins.

He's also dumb as a post.

I have NEVER seen a fish like this poor guy....

nightly, when MM feeds him, he has to show the fish where the food is, by leading him to it with his finger.

This fish hangs out on the side of his tank, where he can see himself, and tries to flare up and fight with his own reflection. I've had to turn the lights off in his tank so that he doesn't do this for HOURS at a time, and hurt himself.

We are hoping he is just a young Betta, and that as he matures, this will pass.

But it's a good thing he's pretty....

doing this damn thing almost killed my brain....

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? Right palm. Carpal Tunnel Surgery
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR BEDROOM? one framed photo, a small shelf, with a crucifix and a picture that I've had in my room since I was an infant
3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE? like everyone elses. But cooler.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Anything but rap, and Kidz Bop crap. And NO, that will not change...
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? I've been told at 1:30 in the afternoon
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? for it to be August, and all the baby stuff done :)
7. WHO DO YOU MISS? I actually miss a few people at work, believe it or not...
8. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?
9. They better be!
10. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED? Mustang Man.
11. WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Scott
12. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED? Wide World of Disney. I loved watching that...
13. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? Mustang Boy. He and I have this ongoing conversation. He responds by morse code...
14. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? No…
15. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?. My hormones. Seriously. I cry so easily right now that its embarrassing.
16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? anything, as long as it doesn't smell up the air that is 20 feet around it. I really don't have a preference.
17. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? All kinds, as long as their hair isn't so sloppy I can't see their eyes
18. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY? Smart.
19. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? Coffee.
20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING? mozzerella and basil
21. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? mozzerella and basil pizza
22. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD? Any driver in my viscinity the other night
23. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE? Nope
24. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? dunno.... fertilization?
25. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE? as in LIKE like? Totally!
26. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? No.
27. FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND? comfortable
28. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR? I want to have a T bird one day
29. WHAT COLOUR IS IT? Still considering
30. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE KIND OF EXERCISE? Sleeping
31. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Aren't we ALL leaving, eventually?
32. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Actions speak louder than words. Show them, every day
33. WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? 99
34. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Brunettes
35. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? I really don't
36. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? stupid drivers who risk my life when they drive
37. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHAT PLACE DID YOU LIKE BEST? Oh hell. Yes I have, in the Navy. But I have to go with a tie, Paris, France, and Yokosuka, Japan...
38. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Procrastination. Gets me every time
39. FRIES/CHIPS, RICE, OR BEANS? Fries
40. FIRST JOB?.Worked in a landromat
41. EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE? Yes.
42. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS? IM'ing with MM
43. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?None.
44. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS MEME? Because all the other cool kids were doing it and I hate being left out
45. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My youthful appearance.
46. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? I'd be fine, actually, I'd miss it, but I'd be fine.
47. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A day with no snow
48. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? I want the two that I have. We are done after Mustang Boy
49. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My Grandparents last name is my middle name
50. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yes
51. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVOURITE? all of them, because they are working
52. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Ice cream
53. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes
54. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey
55. ANY BAD HABITS? Procrastination
56. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? "I Need Love" LL Cool J...
57. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? yes, I like myself
58. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? More than likely. But I am not telling.
59. DO LOOKS MATTER? Depends on what I am looking at
60. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER? In torrents of hot flaming lava
61. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Somewhere else
62. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Depends on what kind of vibe I get from them. Yes, seriously, my first impression of people will make or break them with me
63. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD? Light Bright
64. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE? Never counted
65. DO YOU USE SARCASM? or does it use me?
66. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS? not really
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? No
68. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PLACE TO LIVE? I look for home
69. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? depends on who is addressing me
70. HOW MANY HATS DO YOU OWN? WHAT’S YOUR HAT SIZE? Hell if I know.
71. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?No.
72. WERE YOU UPSET ABOUT STEVE IRWIN DYING? It was sad, but I didn't know him personally...
73. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Rainbow Sherbet
74. ARE YOU LAZY? Yes.
75. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT? This question is too hard. I like too many
76. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE BAND? The E Street Band
77. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? None.
78. DO YOU WANT TO GO ANYWHERE SPECIAL THIS YEAR? Yes.
79. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? A fish tank filter that needs some water added to it. Damn it.
80. LAST THING YOU ATE? Hasn't changed since a few minutes ago
81. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? uh... probably MM, I don't use the phone very often
82. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE MORNING? That its getting harder and harder to roll out of bed
83. FAVOURITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? What if God Was One of Us
84. FAVOURITE TWO THINGS TO HATE? Hatred and stupidity
85. FAVOURITE DRINK? Water
86. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN? Pisces
87. SPORTS YOU LIKE TO WATCH? Football, and if its live, Hockey
88. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR? depends on the day...
89. EYE COLOUR? Blue/green
90. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? no
91. SIBLINGS? Yes
92. FAVOURITE MONTH(s)? October, for some reason. I love fall
93. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? Yes
94. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Bubbles blowing in the damn fish tank
95. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? is TBD
96. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Not really
97. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter…
98. KISSES OR HUGS? Combination of both please
99. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS? Relationship every time
100. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBRITY? None of them
101. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ASK YOU ON A DATE? my mother
102. BOOKS YOU’D LIKE TO SEE TURNED INTO A FILM The Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon

The art of sitting and being quiet

The weather did, indeed, turn foul, and on Sunday, it decided to gift us with some more snow. Thankfully, not much fell, and its been followed up with some mere rain, so it's mostly gone....

The weekend was good, I felt pretty good, and even managed to go see a movie with Mustang Man, and MG, on Sunday. We went and saw 'Thor'. It was pretty good, but the loudness of it startled Mustang Boy a few times.

But, I think we are in the midst of another growth spurt right now. I can tell, because all my joints and ligaments start to ache, from extra relaxin being released into my system. It makes everything loose! Then, coupled with the cold weather... oy....

Mustang Boy also gets a little quieter when he is concentrating on growing. He still moves, but not as much, because I think he is using his energy to grow bigger, like he should be!

So, I am being a good girl, and not doing a whole lot right now, because where there is relaxin, and things growing and getting bigger, there is room for pain and inflammation if I do something I shouldn't. So I am being schooled in the art of patience, in doing what I can, and accepting that there are some things that won't get done today. Or maybe even tomorrow. But they will get done.

So, I am sitting in my chair, watching "How To Train a Dragon", and watching the rain fall outside, while Mustang Boy leisurely kicks at the laptop, because he hates it when I have it near him, I think...

lets try this again

Some of you got to see yesterdays post, before Blogger ate it, somehow. Its all good, I can add some more information, anyhow :)

at the risk of cursing myself, I've been home for over a week now, and the pain is much, MUCH improved. I very seldom need to take anything for it, and it's usually just a plain Tylenol, unless I get too worried that the pain is going to escalate, then, I do what I need to do and take the prescribed pill. The pain pill thankfully does not seem to slow the baby down at all, he is very active. But it makes ME feel like I am kind of under water for awhile. I don't really like that....

Yesterday, we had a sonogram to check Mustang Boy out, size wise. I am so happy with the results of it. He is right on the money for his gestational age, everything looked great, we saw his heart, his brain, his bones, his face, and the OB gave MM a really distinct picture of the twig and berries, which cracked me up. Those have developed on track, as well :). He weighs about 2 lbs, 8 oz. according to the measurements. They also set my delivery date back by one WHOLE day. Ha ha. July 31st. But I know Mustang Boy will come at his own will, when he chooses to.

We are supposed to get a week of rain, starting tomorrow, which I don't really mind, but now, they are predicting the possibility of more of the other stuff that I refuse to even consider. It better not.....

at the risk of cursing myself...

Its been a week now, since I've gotten out of the hospital, and things are good. I spent a few nights getting up and down to my chair and the bed to sleep, but am now back to resting semi comfortably in our bed, all night. The farther along I get the harder turning gets, though, plus Mustang Boy is a night time mover and shaker. When I turn, so does he, and he elbows me everywhere to find HIS comfortable spot. Then I laugh, because frankly? I just like feeling him move.

My injury is calming down, I am being very careful with my activities and body mechanics. I have not needed to take a pain pill in many days, which makes me feel better about the situation. I am using regular Tylenol. I WILL take the pain pill before I go through the hell of last week again, though, no one wants that.

Mustang Girl finally got to feel her brother kick the other night. The only other time she tried, he stopped kicking the minute she put her hand on my belly. He already torments her, silly kid.

Today, we are having a sonogram this afternoon, to check out his size. I am really looking forward to seeing him on the screen again. MM and MG are going to the appointment with me, and I am not ashamed to admit I will probably cry while we are all there, looking at him. Hell, I am about to cry now! (Hormones, anyone?)

We have had some BEAUTIFUL weather, but the weekend is supposed to be cold and rainy. Rain for 5 days, actually. I don't mind the rain, as long as we don't get that other thing that shall not be mentioned kind of precipitation....

If we get some good Mustang Boy sono pictures I will share....

Famous Last Words

You know how when you feel better, you get all happy, and optimistic, and, well, you more than likely do to much?

Yeah.

I felt really good Monday, and went about, doing the stuff I was "supposed" to be doing. First, to the Chiro, for a follow up. He did a few things, nothing major, mainly to my shoulder, and knees. We discussed my possibility of relapse. He said High.

Next, to the hospital, to drop off some needed paperwork, and ask some important questions. Mission accomplished, I came home. Being a good girl the whole time, and using my trusted Milk crate, Bessie, to climb up carefully into the Jeep.

That afternoon, I had a very short physical therapy appointment, where the kind PT did the massage, and ice. Oh, and he kind of pulled on my legs, a little, until I stopped that because, well, I felt a tugging sensation near my groin area.

I came home. Was doing fine. Did a happy blog post. Made dinner, just BLT's, nothing earth shattering.

Here, is where it gets ugly. I almost didn't even blog this, but, I am, because, this is a record of MY life, including the bad.

Let me just start by reporting that both Mustang Boy and I are fine, now. Remember that important fact as you read on.

I went to bed, as usual Monday night. Sore, but sleepy. About eleven PM, I noticed I was tossing and trying to turn a lot to find a comfortable spot. That pain in my right hip was (ever) present. So I decided to get up and ice it for awhile, and chill in my big chair. Except.

I could not find a way to get comfortable, in my big chair.

The ice, it wasn't helping.

By midnight, I was trying to convince myself I was okay, that it wasn't as bad as it had been. By 2 am I was waking up MM, distraught, because it was WORSE than it had been. By 4 am? I was in the Emergency room. After a very hard climb into the Jeep, and painful but brief Jeep ride.

Once in the ER, they kind of half assed tried to help me. I got a few pain shots that did nothing to help me. I was too far gone. I rolled around, hurting, until about 7 am, when they decided to discharge me, and send me to the OB department, to be evaluated. Basically, they hurredly turfed off a now crying, nearly incoherant pregnant woman to the OB department, in severe pain. Needless to say they were horrified. They quickly determined I was having no contractions (thank God, I thought the pain was going to put me into labor). They checked Mustang Boy's heart rate, it was good, normal, galloping along. But Me?

NOT GOOD

I have never been in a more dark, agonizing place in my life, than my own body at that time. I could hear myself whimpering, crying, and eventually begging. MM was by my side, but unable to really do much beyond comfort me as well as he could. We even tried guided imagery. The OB nurses were beside themselves, getting ahold of my MD, who was in surgery. He did make it in to see me, and I could hear the horror and anger in his voice, as he looked at me and asked "how long has THIS been going on?"

All I could do was cry. MM answered him, and then I heard him announce.

"We are going to admit you, and put you on a dilaudid drip".

Then?

I really lost it. Because what my tortured, pained incoherant brain heard was

"you suck as a mother, and we are going to sedate the shit out of you and your baby".

Of course, that isn't what was said or meant, but I felt like super failure of a lifetime. Why was this happening to me?

So I lose my shit. Big time. I roll over, and just sob and cry like someone who just lost their birthday. And their mind. People were talking quietly around me, but I was beyond hearing what they were saying.

Eventually, I pulled the edges together the best I could. I told this poor nurse what shitty veins I had, and where she could put my IV. She was so freaking nice. She gave me a pain shot, put numbing cream on my arm, then proceeded to start my IV right where I told her to. It sucks when you have a nurse as a patient. She bore it well.

Then, she started giving me the dripped in pain medication. Part of me wanted to sigh in sweet relief, the other part of me wanted to be better, to say NO! and suck up what I OBVIOUSLY could not suck up.

The part of me that needed relief won.

I started to feel better. The pain decreased. I started to make sense of things. To rationalize. Yes. Mustang Boy was going to have to deal with some sedation. We would monitor him. Its better for him to deal with sedation, than early labor and birth, which is where I firmly believe I was headed, without getting any pain medicine. My body was in extreme rebellion.

So I stayed, in the hospital. For two days. I got home a few hours ago. I was on the pain medication drip for about 24 hours. It was the kind where I pushed the button when I had the pain. I did use it. I was careful. We monitored the boy, he had a great heart rate the entire time. He moved, but not as vigorously as he usually does. The paperwork to take me completely off work was started. I won't go back until after he is born, for sure, now. Eventually, I was changed to oral pain medications.

Am I still in pain?

Yes, I have some. Finding a comfortable spot to lay in or even sit in can be tough. But it isn't severe, mind numbing, body stealing pain. It's pain I can deal with.

Are the oral pain medications great for my boy?

Not especially, but they aren't horrible, either, and they are a mild dose. He is moving like crazy, just as strong as he was before the dilaudid drip. I heard his heart beat before I was discharged. It was beautiful and strong. Despite my falling apart, he is maintained. And he will be.

And I?

Will be severely limiting any activities over the next months. Doing even a HINT of too much will inflame my sacro-iliac ligament and joint beyond recognition. I know my limits. I've learned a lot about proper body mechanics, and what I need to do to maintain them.

MM, and MG have been troopers. I couldn't ask for better. Middle sister showed up and sat with me as well that first day, as I made myself stay awake, so that I'd sleep all night, despite the pain drip. She thought I looked like a stroke victim. She was right.

And so I limp gratefully around my home, glad to be here. Showered so I didn't smell like a hospital anymore, and am doing my best to relax in my chair. Mustang boy is poking at me, for having a computer in my lap. Mustang Girl is in her usual pose, parked in front of her computer and phone. Mustang Man will be home from work as soon as he can.

All is good (ish).

better (ish) now

Well, things are smoothing out for me. I can walk without crying now, can mostly sleep in our bed again, and am able to do a few things around the house that make me feel productive. That helped my mental health. Plus, I was able to go in the hammock some this weekend, which was SWEET. I do still have pain issues, but they are at least improved, and I know what to do when I am having a flare up of pain. (ice, ice, baby)

As far as work, well, the general consensus amongst the people that are providing my care is that I not go back, until after Mustang Boy is born. My risk for re-injury is high, and if I get hurt on top of this hurt the recovery will be longer, and I will be trying to recover AND take care of a baby at the same time. So, unless my OB objects, which I highly doubt, then I am off work.... and I will still have a 'normal' maternity leave, too.

Mustang Boy is doing great. He moves and rolls and pokes and makes his presence known. He must not have liked being put on that monitor last week, so he makes sure that I know he is there. I like that. I am really looking forward to him making his appearance, when it is time. Meanwhile, next Friday we are having another sonogram so I can get a look at him. He'll probably be doing his circus tricks as usual.

So things are brighter, now. The sun is out, the bugs are flying, a few of my daffodils decided to bloom. It will be a good spring

tired of my whining, yet?

Apparently, when you strain your sacro-iliac joint and inflame it very badly, you get symptoms that mirror sciatica.

So says my rock star Chiropractor, who is very good at what he does, and did a pretty thorough, yet painful exam on me the other day. I was so messed up, there was no adjusting that could possibly be done. He told me my ligaments and muscles were already loose before the pregnancy, and that now I was 'rag doll' loose, and referred to me as "Raggedy Anne". I have a ton of relaxin rolling around, relaxing things MORE, I just can't wait...

So, what to do?

I've been sitting on ice almost non stop since a few days ago, and it has helped some. I actually managed to get a few hours of real sleep, in the BED, this morning. I've been in my recliner the rest of the time, not sleeping. I was stupid tired before that nap.

My OB took me off work for at least 2 weeks, and is talking like I may not go back at all until Mustang Boy is born. I have mixed emotions about this. Nursing is hard work, and I am obviously paying for it with my back right now. But I like the job, and the people, and the stimuli. Yet, I also like walking without pain, and sleeping...

The plan is for me to go and be evaluated by a Physical Therapist, and see what they say. I am sure that is going to be quite painful, as well, but helpful in getting me functional again, and also to make the decision about whether working any longer is feasable or not. The time off looks very attractive, but in the end, I have to work. I WANT to work.

But, Mustang Boy ultimately comes first, come hell or high water.

What a roller coaster this week is!!

When it rains it pours

So it seems that my pregnant uterus has decided it needs to sit right onto my sciatic nerve, which has, in turn put me into the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. Labor CANNOT be worse than how this feels.

If I cry one more time I think my head is going to fall off, and we won't even talk about how it makes MM feel because I am falling apart.

So

I have called off work for the moment

I have called, and will hopefully make it into my chiropractor this evening, and I really hope he can help. Meanwhile, I am supposed to get up and move around the house as much as I can, which hurts like no ones business, especially when I get out of the chair.

We won't even talk about my pitiful attempts to sleep....

anyone got good sciatic advice?

I've tried heat, Icy hot, stretches.....

and so it begins

Its been a long day... already!

This weekend was good, but long. My balance, lately, has been kind of wonky, and our shower floor has been very slick. No, I didn't exactly fall, but did the awkward slide, a few times, which really aggravated my joints and sciatic pains.... I was fine, though, and Mustang Boy was acting his usual self, too.

Except

he didn't move as much as I am used to for the last 24 hours, or so... and this morning, I could not entice him into moving for me, at all.

Enter, pregnant woman panic mode....

I called my OB office, because he is so great. Forgetting Monday's are his day off...

So I had the on call MD paged. But, in the mean time, the office of my regular OB called me back, and told me that I should just go on in to the labor and delivery area of the hospital, they will put me on a monitor just to make sure things are okay. In between all these calls, I was of course calling MM, crying because I was freaked out.

I ate some sugar filled torture devices (jelly beans) to see if I could wake the boy, then headed to the hospital. I really liked the nurses, they put me right on the monitor, and everything was (and is) of course, fine. Once on the monitor, Mustang Boy began to move and kick like no ones business. He just didn't want to wake up this morning at home, for ME...

I am telling you, this kid is going to be one to watch!

No whammies!

Remember these little bastards, from that game show

"Press My Luck?"

The Whammy

I am still having the evil, vicious leg and foot cramps in my sleep, usually once a week or so. The kind that wake you up from a SOUND sleep with an immediate screech of pain, and a ball of muscle tightening said extremity. I whine, cry, curse and scream. I am frankly surprised my neighbor has not called the police, thinking someone has killed me. These cramps go up and down, feet to thigh, moving around, leaving me writhing in pain. I have checked, there is actually nothing I can do to prevent these, it is what it is, my body's adjustment to my ever growing pregnancy. I am getting plenty of water, vitamins, ect.

Yesterday, I got woken up no less than 5 times with various cramping adventures. Today, I found myself chanting "no whammies, No Whammies!" when I was turning in my sleep, or waking up...

Made me laugh.

but, NO WHAMMIES!

and, we're back

Ahhh.

back on my laptop.

My lovely, well loved Mac took a dive last week. The whole video card died. Wouldn't even boot up. Thanks to the lovely people at Apple, we are back in business...

It snowed. Again. But not much, and it went away, quickly, thank goodness. I think Mustang Boy is a snow magnet. He doesn't seem to mind, as he is warm and comfortable in his built in womb. He moves, a lot now. Or, I feel it, A LOT, now.

We had our glucose tolerance test this last week. Thankfully, we passed, and I don't have to drink that detestable stuff again. 50 grams of sugar in less than 5 minutes. Blerrrrgh. Nasty stuff!

I've a few daffodils blooming, but sadly, I think the tulips are not going to come. I didn't even get any crocus this year. Just a few of the hardy daffodils. At least its something....

Funny!

We spent some time this weekend with my family, at my middle sister's house. My Aunt from Seattle is down visiting, and everyone gathered for a small bbq and gathering.

My Mom has been after me, lately, to register the baby, specifically, on Target. Because most people have access to a Target.

Have I explained to you that shopping is actually not my favorite activity? I enjoy it in brief spurts. The thought of wandering Target with a scanner, even for cute baby stuff, kind of sets my teeth on edge.

So I did it on the computer, instead. (and it still gave me a headache.)

If any of you are interested in seeing the registry, let me know, I will email you the link. (Its listed under the name we've chosen for Mustang Boy).

What made me laugh, is that though I am not one of those people that always thinks "blue for boys", I found myself really picking most things in the realm of the blue's for him. I tried to toss in some brown, and some green. I really lean away from the white, because, white shows every dirt, spit up, or other malfunction. Yet, he's going to be a summer baby. I don't want him too hot, either, in darker colors! So, I ended up with lots of light blue choices... so much for not going with "boy" colors. I had to laugh. Its really hard not to go that direction.... especially because I don't necessarily enjoy pink, or yellow...

Boundaries

Have I visited this topic before?

Maybe.

But it seems to be presenting itself to me, more and more...

Parenting a teenager is tough work, and the fact that I'm going to get a 13 year break between the two is probably a good thing.

MG is an incredibly good teenager, we are lucky. But that doesn't mean things are always golden and perfect. It shouldn't be!

She is doing her job, reaching for that elusive independence that we all craved at sixteen. Its good to see her progressing towards that.

But a vast difference between US being sixteen, and her being sixteen is the technology they have now.

These kids are SO dependent, and dialed into their computers, cell phones, iPods, and any other electronic thing they can get their hands on. If they are without them it's like they are missing a part of their soul.

They have no boundaries. Nothing is off limits. Everything seems to be exposed, there are no secrets, you can find anything out on the internets. About anyone.

Its ironic I am discussing this on a blog isn't it?

But, I have my secrets, my privacy, if you like, my hidden self. I like to think we all have that little kernel of ourselves. The one that hides.

But I am really starting to wonder if this group of kids, the teenagers of now, if they have that?

Is there anything they don't know?

is this good?

is it bad?

is it too much?

I don't have those answers. I never will.

I do know, though, that this Saturday, we are having a full on, technology free day. No computer. No phone. Nada. I think the TV might even be silenced.

Should be interesting

Time flies

when you're not having fun?

Not to flog a subject to death, but dang.

SNOW.

We got a ton. AGAIN!

And that generator?

Died . 8 whole hours into a four day power loss. DIED. As in, not able to function.

I am so seriously ready for spring!

Then, glory be, last night the power came on. And all were happy. Except, I was at work. I came home, to enjoy my electricity, only to lose power again half hour after I got here.

Damn and blast!

But its back, again.

I hope it stays.

Please?

And the sun is out, the 5 plus feet of snow is melting,

I am feeling Mustang Boy move more and more..

Bring on the Spring.

Wait.

This is spring, right?

update, anyone?

Well I suppose I could actually update on Mustang Boy, couldn't I?

I am still just making myself take this pregnancy day by day, thinking too far ahead hurts my brain too much, and I get too excited, and, truthfully, kind of scared of the whole being in labor thing...

I am getting a bit rounder, spreading out more. The baby movement is starting to be felt, sporadically, though he gave me some pretty good kicks right below the belly button the other night when I was changing position. We had a check up the other day, and all was fine. For once, Dr. D was able to find his heartbeat without the little Rascal hiding!

What hasn't been so much fun is the joint and sciatic pain from all the Relaxin my body is releasing, to make things, well, Relax.

Its not just the uterine ligaments that react, apparantly. Geez. Pain has become a frequent companion, and finding a comfortable position to sleep in is still kind of an issue.

On the plus side, I got a new 'easy chair'. Its called "The Beast". I LOVE IT.

I sleep in it very comfortably, frequently. Just naps, though...

Oh, and we found the cutest onesie for him the other day, it has a picture of Pig Pen on it, and it says "I blame my parents". I had to have it! Its awesome and I cannot wait to put him in it.

I am still emotional, and hormonal. I vacillate between tears and anger fairly frequently, especially if I am driving...it takes very little to make me cry, too, I've had to start being careful what news I watch on TV. The whole Japan thing is still just KILLING me.

And so is the NEVER ENDING SNOW.

It has snowed every freaking day this week. We've got at least a 2 foot accumulation, again.... I WANT SPRING!!!!! NOW!!! But we do have power, and joy of joys, MM found a very affordable generator for us, we should be getting it this week sometime. YAY! But I am still desperate for some sunshine....

Oh, well. Really.

It seems I've missed my bloga-versary thingy.

I've been doing this, albeit somewhat sporadically lately, since March 12, 2007.

So much has happened since I sat down and created that blog while I was watching a DVR of the Craig Ferguson show.

Back then I was single, dating on and off, (mostly men who obviously didn't make the cut), and looking forward to spring.

Now look at me.

Still looking forward to spring.

Knocked up.

Living in sin with the best man I could have ever hoped to have fallen in love with, (and not remotely sorry about that) and his kick ass daughter who might as well be my own, in a house that WE bought together.

I'd say I've landed in a pretty good spot.

So happy late blogaversary, you poor, neglected blog.

I doubt I'll remember it next year, either...

I have a Sad....

Most of you know that I lived in Japan for two years.

It was my first duty station when I enlisted in the Navy.

Living there was wonderful. Its a beautiful country. Working on that tugboat for two years was a blast.

Taking the crowded trains around the area, seeing the sights, visiting other small towns on the coast. Going to Disneyland where all the zombies in the haunted house were Caucasian, and the whispering Japanese completely unnerved you. Until you went back into the park and listened to "Its A Small World" over and over again in Japanese....

Crowded Tokyo, with its hoards of people, and shopping, and restaurants, and hoards of people...

Kamakura with its ginormous Budda,

The Black Ship festival we spent a week at, "celebrating" the first landing of an American on Japanese shores... (some of the Japanese are still questioning THAT move).

Fuji, in all its glory

the awesome food, especially Gyoza! and Yakisoba!. Standing on the street eating Yakitori from a Yakitori stand, and drinking Asahi beer. And, believe it or not, the freshly made "Stick dogs" (Corn Dogs) that were made in a small shop directly across from the Yokosuka base. (I wonder if they are still there)

Drinking sake with the JN's (Japanese Nationals) that came to our annual picnic on the base. They drank the American Beer, we drank the sake. Fair trade. The baseball games were fun, too.

The usually mild and awesome weather. The cute little school girls trying on make up in McDonalds.

I could go on and on.

But I'm in tears, a little.

Maybe a lot

Devastation is hard. Earthquakes, Tsunami, fires.

I've spent a long time thinking about Japan, today...