Vulnerability

A childhood fear re-visited me the other day. One of insecurity, and vulnerability. It surprised me, too.
There I was, sitting in the stroke class, having a wonderful time trying to convince myself that being awake, that early in the morning, and using my brain was allowed. Then, the instructor announced that we had to 'pair up', to assess the neurological status of the person we paired with.
Upon hearing that we would be doing that, my brain fixated on it. It wasn't to happen until after the lunch break, but my brain, it worried.
What if no one chose me? What if I were sitting there all by myself, with no one to do the assessment with, to laugh at the funny phrases we must make people repeat (Mama, Tip Top, Fifty Fifty) or the silly picture of the woman washing dishes while her children stole cookies behind her, and the sink overflowed? What if, what if?
Red Rover, Red Rover, send Mie right over....
I well remember occasions where I was the last one left to run through the daisy chained arms of children. I also remember the days I was the FIRST one sent over, too.
Looking around at my friends and co workers, I mentally paired us all up as I thought it would go. Over my left shoulder, I noticed a table that had THREE people at it, like mine. Another singleton would be left out there.... and then another, and another table of three caught my eye. Suddenly, I felt better.
The time came, and got a very fun partner, without fuss nor muss. We laughed over the assessment, then laughed harder when I had to try to lift his dead weight out of a chair, all by myself, using a lifting technique that the Physical Therapist was showing us. He is at least a foot taller than me, and outweighs me quite a bit. Lets just say I could have given him a colossal wedgie if I'd have been in a mean spirited mood.
So all was well that ended well. I wasn't left in the playground by myself, without a friend to call my own
but it brought back that feeling, ever so briefly, just the same...