A window into my small town

Every day, at some point I find time to check out the newspaper for my little community. They have both a "real" paper version, or you can read it online. Of course, I choose the online route.
Usually, the first thing I head for is the Obituaries. Living and working in this tiny town, I usually know, and have taken care of, at some point, most of those who passed. Most nurses I know do this, we have this kind of internal score card in our heads, I think. And when a patient we really loved passes, we alert each other, usually.
The real entertainment, however, is our "Police Blotter". Every day, they report what calls have been made to the Podunk police department. I've been monitoring it this Memorial Day weekend, and as a treat for all of you few who actually read what I write, I will sum it up for you.


There were five arrests for drinking and driving. Two of them were "exes" that were involved in an altercation at a liquor store, and had called the police themselves. Idiots.

Two calls made for drunks outside of cars. One man was drunk in his own home and the police visited him, because his neighbor called them to report he was yelling. . . they did not make an arrest. The second man was escorted back to his hotel room.

Two calls regarding custody issues (man not returning kids, got arrested).

The "juvenile's" were having fun this weekend, among other things, they
street raced
threw rocks in a park
tipped a recycling bin
put dirt in gas tanks
vandalized several mailboxes
hijacked a golf cart, and cruised in it
stood in the middle of the road swinging a bat at cars
and one ran away.

Some of the more odd things?
Some lady found a decapitated rat on her doorstep
a "tatoo'd man with short dark hair and a New York accent" tried to sell meat to someone, claimed he was from "The Butcher Shop". (See, CK? I guess I have a Meat dude, too. Who knew?)
A Crown Victoria took out a telephone pole
Some asshole in a white Jeep shot his mouth off at a gas station, and another patron dumped a soda on the jeep. Our fine policemen made the soda dumper buy the asshole some car cleaning supplies.
The balloon's on display at the car dealership lost their helium, and were in the roadway. (Yes, a bystander called the police for that.)
Someone was walking with scissors, threatening car windows. She got a mental health eval for that one.
Some lady called because her neighbor's sprinklers were on too long, and making a puddle in HER yard. But she didn't want to walk over and tell them. So she called the police.
Another lady called, saying that stuff in her house kept getting stolen, then, later, it would re-appear. I'm guessing it was an older woman, who had memory problems. My own Grandmother has been known to "lose" things, then find them again, months later.
A woman called the police and asked them how long it would take her to "bleed out" because she "cut a major artery in her thigh". They never found her. But since there is no major artery in our thigh, exactly, I'm guessing she survived.
And, a stoned man with a chain saw cut down another person's tree. He was arrested for MJ possesion, under the influence of a controlled substance, and trespassing. I am wondering, did he have the munchies for wood chips?
There were a few car accidents, a few dogs left in car, a few "campers" in the local parks, a squatter, one or two resisted arrests, and multiple people who heard gunshots that actually turned out to be fireworks.
That pretty much sums up Memorial Day weekend in Podunk. At the hospital, many many drunks came to visit, and a few stayed.
Silly some of these calls may be, but I hope it stays this way, and big city never moves into Podunk. I'm sure our police department feels the same way.