something new

I think I'm in the process of learning a new life lesson. Its yet something else being a Hospice nurse is teaching me.
So here it is
Don't borrow trouble.
Sound weird?
Lets see if I can possibly explain this. I'm not sure if I can.

My job is to sit, and wait for people who need me to call me.
My previous job was taking care of complicated ICU patients. Doing this, I had to anticipate their needs, and try to meet them, most of the time before the need arrived. It was part of my job to stay one step ahead, if I could, then figure out how to fix it when I couldn't. I could borrow trouble all night long, and usually be correct.
Now, with this job, it's all way, left field. Anyone can call. At any time. With anything. And trust me, they do. I've gotten calls at 2 am about lambs wool. Seriously.
Where my brain runs into a brick wall is AFTER I've dealt with whatever they called me for. Once dealt with, my little ICU brain starts to forecast for the patient I just dealt with.
The thing is?
Thats not what I need to do. They have assigned case managers to do that.
I'm just to 'put out the fire', so to speak.
So I am having to retrain my brain not to worry and forecast and try to do TOO much.
I also seem to forget that I have help....
in the form of spiritual care, and Medical Social Workers.
I'm used to doing by myself.
And when I forget to do something or mess up?
OY!
My brain!!!
I am really having some serious about face moments here!! Its so strange for me to try and convince myself that once I've hung up the phone, or made a visit to someone, and charted it, that I'm done. That's that. I need to shelve it, and go on with other things. I'm really struggling with that, especially when I get a call in the middle of the night, and I need to try to go to sleep after the call. And instead I lay there, forecasting away. I think, maybe, as I continue this job I will get better at this, at putting it aside.
But part of me mourns that. I kind of like being a forward thinker....

people suck.

A few weeks ago, I found out we have a place in my small town that is advertised as an indoor place where kids of all ages could go play. It has stuff for all ages, swings, slides, a toddler area, classes, and also a swap section for clothing and toys. If you bought a membership, you could use it seven days a week. And they have a special birthday party room,

Well, it sounded kind of interesting, so I emailed the lady who runs it. She assured me that plenty of toddlers used the facility, so MB would have company, and that I could come check the place out, first visit for free.

    So, I got up one Thursday am, packed up MB and all the necessary things that go with a traveling toddler, and off we went.

     To say I was disappointed is a huge understatement.

The place was in a windowless warehouse, no AC, no fans. The floor was cement, with some rugs present in certain areas. The swing for toddlers was hung with that abrasive yellow rope, and if he leaned forward, it rubbed his head. If he leaned backward, it rubbed his head.... the toys weren't safe, and the people!

     My lord. The people.

The other kids ran amock, with minimal supervision. (MB was almost run over twice, by a tricycle, and a scooter), it was a free for all.

And the other mothers there....

All stood in a corner together, staring at me playing (or trying to play) with my son. All these young, late 20, early 30's barefoot, natural snack bearing, judgemental cows, who acted like they'd never seen anyone like me with a baby before. One of them even moved her daughter away from MB while they were playing in the same area. None of them spoke to me. Hell, they didn't come within 10 feet of me, honestly. They stayed in their little grouping, staring, whispering... Including the lady who runs the place. (It was her daughter and the scooter that almost ran MB over)

So we left. Because seriously? 

It actually kind of hurt my feelings. 

Not for ME, by any means. I'm a big girl, screw those other 'ladies' (and I use that term loosely).

But for MB. 

What kind of crap is that?

Those kids were close to his age. He wanted to play. He knows how to share, he smiles and laughs, he's so easy going and sweet. It really upsets me that people can't unbend, and realize that we all have something to offer, no matter our differences in age, appearance, or socio-economical class. For the record, I believe the problem here was actually my age. MB and I were in the typical mom jeans/messy toddler clothing that seems to be synonymous with this particular age group. Or maybe the problem was that I didn't just put him down and let him play unsupervised. I played WITH him. (no one else was). 

Whatever it was, they were un friendly, unwelcoming, standoffish unaccepting and a few other words I can think of.

We won't be going back. Ever.

I'll find something different, maybe. Or I'll find more of the same, possibly. In the meantime, we will stay home and play with the fun, safe toys. Oh. And the 2 new black kittens we seem to have acquired...)

as the toddler naps

Had a great time in Seattle.
I was right. MB is a great little flyer. It turns out you can pretty much take ANYTHING on a plane that is for a baby. I accidentally left a spray foam sun block in his diaper bag, and they saw it. Then told me I could keep it. I nearly fell over. You can bring milk, formula, hell. I bet I could've put Vodka in the bottle and they'd have let me have it. I did see them test some sippy cup water of another toddler, though, so maybe not....
      In Seattle, we happened to be there during the weekend that they had record high heat. Damn!! It was sticky and muggy. Lovely cousin got married out in the boonies at this really nice organic farm. But the heat nearly killed us. Poor MB wasn't a fan, so we barely made it through the dinner service before we headed for the AC comfort of our hotel room, and then, eventually, the swimming pool. MB enjoys swimming, as it turns out, especially when his Daddy sticks his head in the water and blows bubbles at him. We took him in the water every day. Now that we're home, I'm kind of missing that, actually.
     So now, we are at home, and my work schedule got changed, AGAIN. But I'm kind of glad, because I get a few days recovery from the trip. The downside of that is now I am going to be working the weekend instead. But I don't mind that as much. I actually get extra money for working the weekend. So, no harm, no foul.
     Seeing the family over the weekend was also so very awesome. We are spread out a bit, so it was nice to see some that we haven't seen in quite awhile. Now I miss seeing them, though. And the pool. I still miss the pool.

various and sundry ramblings of a tired brain

Had to work 4 shifts in a row this week. 15.5 hour shifts, which were kind of busy and crazy at intermittent times. I learned one thing. If I pick up my phone to do something silly, or not work related, a patient somewhere will sense it and call me, and probably need a visit. It's all good. It's what they pay me for, and it allows me to get more sleep than I was getting, and, stay home for some of the time. I still really like the job. One of the families I helped this week actually thanked me, in the newspaper obituary for their Mom. It was nice, but a little strange to be mentioned in someone's obit. . . .
     In other news, we are taking MB on his first big trip this week. My sweet cousin is getting married in Seattle, and since Dan also has family up there, we get to see them, too! Tonight, at 8 we are flying out. I'm sure MB will be great on the plane, we have packed snacks, a bottle, and things to entertain him. Did you know that formula is allowed to be over the 3 oz. rule when traveling with an infant? He's been drinking whole milk for a few weeks now, but for the flight I'm bringing a formula bottle, because I can! They won't let me bring milk through over 3 oz. and using the bottle will help his ears to pop when we take off, and land...
Let's see, what else.
OH
We hired the single mama babysitter, and so far things are working out well. She's come twice, and MB and her little boy get along really well with each other. It's really nice to see the interaction between the two of them. So far, they haven't come to blows over any toys, which is a wonderful thing. I hope we continue down that path. He is entering the toddler stage, though, and we've had a few demonstrations from him this week of the "what's yours is mine, what's mine is mine, and anything I see is also mine" mind set of young children. He's also now fully rejecting any kind of baby food, even ones that he LOVED just one week ago. The other night he ate pork chops and mac and cheese for dinner. Sheesh.
So, how 'bout them Yankees? :)