saying goodbye to a house

My Grandma has been living with my parents for a few years, now. During this time, she has always held onto the dream that she would be able to go back to her home. The home she's lived in for at least the 42 years that I've known her.
Sadly, that dream just isn't possible. Through no fault of her own, she just is too forgetful, too fragile, to live by herself. And the closest any of us live to her home is an hour away.
She enjoys, most of the time, living with my parents. It has its ups and downs.
But her home.
I cannot even fathom all the memories this little 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath holds. Its staggering.
I remember sleeping in sleeping bags, in the living room. Waiting for Santa. Looking at the really bad artificial Christmas tree. All the croquet games in the back yard. The wrapping paper base ball games. Easters. 4th of July. Sitting around the table, listening to all the grown ups talk about things I might not understand. My Aunt's wedding, in that home. The toys hidden in the closet. Playing Oven with my cousins. ( I cannot tell you what Oven is. I'm not sure I could describe it well enough. Ask Cami if you know her). Heck. I think I got to see Cami as a baby for the first time in Grandma's house.
My Grandfather died in that house. Its where I last saw him. Its where he lived. Its where he had his strokes. Its where he spoke last.
Its a house I've sought refuge in. Its where I used to collect bottles, and get money to walk to the 7 11. Its where I sat on the front porch eating too much sugar. Its where I sugar crashed.
Grandma has, in her own way, agreed to let the house be a home to someone else now. As a rental property for the moment. But, next weekend, we're all going to the house. The home. To look. To pillage. To plan, because it's going to need to be emptied. And I have a feeling, for me, at least, to say goodbye. To a house.
And I don't know how to do that...

jackpot

The other day, I was watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with MG and MB. My favorite part is when Snoopy is fighting the chair, while "Little Birdie" is being played as background music.
I really love the music used in the Peanut's stuff. I already have some of the tunes in my Ipod. Curious, I went to the ever present iTunes, (what did I ever do before iTunes?) and Jackpot!!
Little Birdie. And a bunch of others, too. (Vince Guaraldi Trio, the official musicians). So, 9 whopping dollars later, I had some music happiness..
     I needed to pop into work this am to fill out some paperwork after a super busy work night last night, so I hooked my music up, set the fun on shuffle, and off I went. As I was driving, the music was playing, and the memories were flowing. I love all music, but the music from Peanuts? Puts me in a happy childhood place like no other. I didn't want to stop driving. I was thinking all kinds of crazy things, like how much I identify with Woodstock, of all creatures ("Little Birdie, why do you fly upside down"), to how sad I got watching the special where Snoopy ran away from home, how much, every year, I want the Great Pumpkin to show up for Linus, and the Little Red Headed Girl to take some interest in CB, laughing at Lucy and her silly football, pretending she doesn't care about the other kids. I bet Lucy would Maim anyone who messed with them, though. I remember having a Snoopy and Woodstock soap dish as a kid. I was so enthralled with that thing. It even came with a dog bone shaped soap bar.
And Pig Pen. I love that dirty little boy. And Franklin, the way that kid can dance! And Shroeder, the piano genius. And on, and on. I love them all.
And then, I got sad, thinking of not only MB, but the countless other kids who don't get 'fresh' Peanuts anymore. No new cartoon in the Sunday papers, no new TV specials. Sure. We have reruns, we have reprints, we have books.
But it's not the same. I don't see todays kids taking the innocent joy from it that I did.
I know, they have their own, 'new' things now. But I'm still sad.
For the record, I miss you, Charles M. Shultz. You impacted my life with your goofy little cartoon. And I will be forever grateful.

Thankful

I just am.
For everything.
I'm not doing that post something every day on FB thingy, or any of the other stuff. Because I'm trying to always be thankful for the life I have, no matter what time of year.
I AM making a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, though....
Happy Turkey day, everyone

here we go again

So
I'm looking for another person to come watch MB a few hours a week.
Did I ever say what happened to the last one?
The one who swore to me she was in it for the long hall?
The one who would watch our little boys grow and become friends?
Yeah
she left, with like, 2 days notice, to move to New Orleans, less than a month after we'd hired her.
Since then, we've been kind of winging it, which has actually worked out not horribly. Thank Goodness I work for human beings who actually like it when I bring him with me for a few minutes to work until MM can get him. That would have NEVER happened at my last job.
However
MG is still in pursuit of leaving to go on her own, and without her here, we cannot wing it.
So I have to meet people and decide if I am going to trust them with the most precious thing I've been gifted with.
I so hate this...

sick sick sick

I had this whole, well, kind of whole, rambling post written about how we have all had the flu this week. But as I was typing another sentence about retching and vomit I decided that perhaps it could all be left unsaid.
     Suffice it to say that we've all had it now. We've been living in our pajama's, on crackers, cream of wheat, ice, and 7 up. Work was missed, and the house is a disaster. Blankets scatter each of the pieces of furniture, and many many naps have been taken.
    We're all on the mend, today we are closer to our usual activities. Looking forward to taking MB to the preschooler trick or treat event that our down town area hosts every year. I'm hoping that not every treat they hand out involves candy, because he doesn't really eat candy at this point. Maybe I'm taking him to the wrong kind of event for that expectation, but it IS geared for preschoolers, so I have some hope that someone down there will be giving out the treat bags of teddy grahams or something similar. We haven't really committed to whether or not we're taking him out Halloween night or not. We have friends with school age kids that we usually go walk around with, just for the fun of it. Last year MB was only 4 months old. We went for a short while, and he hated it, because it was cold, and he was in a dark stroller. MM ended up carrying him most of the time. Now that he is walking, and much more interactive, he might enjoy being out, and seeing some of the decorated houses. If we go, I can even send him to a few doors I guess. I don't know. I'll see how the weather is, and what his mood is like. If we got trick or treaters here I'd be perfectly happy to stay home and see all the kids that way...
So, anyone else got any good Halloween plans?

slow down!!!

xSxssxxxxxr4rwwWwwwsxcccc gr xgtrtg

What you see above is Mustang Boy's first attempt at a blog post. Unfortunately, he got to banging away quite emphatically, and had to be removed from the scene before my laptop met an unfortunate, toddler fueled demise.
      He is, now, a bona fide, full blown, toddler. Toddling. Running, grabbing everything within his reach. He has a very strong opinion of what he is (or isn't) going to eat. He is starting to have some words. Ball is the first, and his favorite. He mimics the cadences of our voices, I am working hard on getting him to say Trick or Treat!, but I don't think he's quite ready for that one, yet.
For Halloween, he is going to be a football player. Specifically, a 49'er.  We are taking him to a small down town trick or treat function that is especially for the small children. He is not a candy eater, (would be if we let him probably, but I am not in a hurry to let him have tons of sugar) so it doesn't matter what he gets while he's participating.
     Thankfully, he still enjoys a good afternoon nap, and he sleeps in until about 9:30 ish every morning. My new job being the night shift on call for our local hospice is WONDERFUL. It's the closest I will ever get "working from home" as a nurse. Some nights are busy as all get out, and some nights? I barely get any action. Whatever kind of night I end up having, it still gives me much more time at home than I have ever had. AND, I'm more rested, because I get some sleep, every night! So I feel like I'm present with him, not some night shift zombie Mama. It's pretty sweet.
      And Mustang Girl.
We won't even talk about all the changes underway. She's over 18, she's in college, an "adult",
Holy Hell.
It's just too fast!

Dear 16 year old self

(MM did it, and I kind of liked it so I am swiping it. I know, it's been done by many others...)

     Dear 16 year old me

     Don't worry. You won't have acne your whole life. I promise. Now get up and go wash your face.
Do me another favor? Go talk to some of those people you're too shy to talk to right now. They grow up to be some pretty good people, you'll come to find out. They aren't better than you, they don't really think they're better than you, and they could use some more friends too.
     Now, don't freak out, but you are going to join the Navy.
Yes, really. Now get off the floor. It's going to be awesome, for the most part. Pay attention to the lessons in life that Dad is trying to impart to you, they'll come in very handy. Very quickly. Don't worry about guys so much, you'll get your chance. Don't be afraid to love, either. Just know that it might not end very pretty, but the whole process of it? Wonderful, and life altering.
     You're going to go through some shit. I won't lie to you. Just keep your head up, and stay true to yourself. You're stubborn as hell, and truthfully?? You could dial some of that stubborn back a notch. Stick to your guns, and do what you want to do, and remember, it's better to be happy alone than miserable with someone else. That's a lesson we kind of learn the hard way, but it all works out in the end.
      Someday, you're going to find yourself with a blog, a nice, albeit messy house, 2 cats, a bunch a fish, a job you didn't know you wanted but like anyhow, and best of all, an incredible family. Hold onto that thought, and do what you have to do to get there. I promise, it's worth it.
Now go clean your room :)