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Saturday, March 29, 2014

New meaning to the word agony

My Dad is dying. It's his time, he has cancer for the third time, and we lost the war. As I type, he's going through the process of leaving us. He has only hours to days left. He's pain free, and clean and comfortable, which is so important to us all. But this waiting! Knowing what's happening, and that we are powerless to stop it, and that, now, I don't want to stop it!! He needs to be completely free of his pain and frailties. Even working as a hospice nurse does not, did not give me a full understanding of how this feels. Being on this side is exhausting.  I don't like it. It's going to make me a very different nurse, I think.
     After the weekend, if he's still with us, we will bring him home, and care for him there. I will bring MB and we will live with my parents, until he's gone.
Oh, how I'll miss him.

2 comments:

Finding Pam said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I was with my Mom when she died. For the first time, I truly understood death. I was not afraid of it, but felt like it was a huge honor to be with her in her final days.

Mimi said...

Sigh. You are on my heart. Love you . Prayers