Tuesday, August 28, 2007

First Loves

Do we ever get over our first loves?

There are those that say we don't. That when we fall in love the first time, there is not any 'scar tissue', no emotional baggage. You are wide open to the sensation and will give yourself freely to the person that you love. And, that is something you can never truly get over. Some are lucky enough to marry their first loves, and the marriage works, which I think is great. Some of us, however, are not that lucky.

While I do see their point,these people who think you'll never get over the first love, I can also see the reverse. When you love someone, it takes a whole lot of damage to fall out of love, doesn't it? It does for me. While I do not HATE HATE HATE my ex-husband, who was really my first love, I could never be in love with him again. Even if he turned into the perfect man and redeemed all the pain. I just couldn't. (Not that it will ever happen. He's in Rhode Island, where he belongs.). I would never WANT it to happen.

So, am I over it? Yeah. I really am.
Do I have baggage now? Well. Yeah. But baggage is what we learn on. It's how we figure out what we really want. It's how we figure out what annoying things we can tolerate in someone we care about, and what we cannot tolerate. It's a part of growing up.
While the first love is sweet, and exiting, and unknown, I find love much more fun when you do know what is happening, you know what that exited feeling is, and you fully embrace it, and enjoy it, knowingly. Because you CHOOSE to. And I think, even though it may not be your first love, its your LAST love that really counts.


CamiKaos said...

I think "getting over it" is misleading.

I do.

Yes you can be completely OVER your first love as a person but I think if it was really love you won't ever get over that LOVE. Love doesn't just evaporate into nothingness.

Am I in love with my first love? Not at all. Would I ever want to be back with him? No I wouldn't. But to say that he was not a significant figure in my life and that the feelings we had for each other had no bearing on me and who I am today, that would be a lie.

Despite all our drama and trauma he was a man I loved whole heartedly. I wish him well. If I heard something bad happened to him I would feel for him.

Because I loved him.

Some people would call that baggage. I call it me. Would I be who I am if I hadn't loved lost and learned?

My first love made me guarded and it was hard to fall in love again... so while I have told several men that I loved them while in a relationship, I've only meant it with two.

To say that I could ever get over that love... nope. and I wouldn't want to.

My first love got me ready for my lasting love.

God I am a sap.

mielikki said...

Yes you are a sap.
But your a sweet sap.

Travis Erwin said...

Too bad airlines never lose the baggage that you would really like to get shed of.

Mimi said...

Bwahahahahhahahaa, so true, Travis.

I think that my first love made me the person I am to be in love with my hubby, but I am *so* glad I am not still with the first love guy.

sybil law said...

My first love was a great guy. I broke his heart, sad but true. But I am glad I am not with him. We just would've had problems. We were friends forever after our breakup, but his wife put an end to that. That made me sad, really. I liked him a lot as a friend. We could easily fall right back into place with each other, and that's pretty rare. Nope - no baggage for me. Now maybe HE has some...

Bubblewench said...

Baggage? WE don't need no stinkin baggage! Sadly, yes, we all have it.

Go Travis! And what CK said.